Hugo Santander Ferreira
Hugo Santander  

 
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Globalization


                  
                                   ACT I                                
                                                                        
                                   Scene 1                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Rosa.                                                
                                                                        
                    A small table in front of an old sofa. There is     
                    a bottle of wine, two cups and popcorn on a         
                    table. TV screen and mirror on the right; hanger    
                    with clothes on the left. Towards the center we     
                    see an easel that sustains a canvas covered by a    
                    blanket, and a shelf with worn-out pocket books.    
                    The stage is lit by a small window placed as        
                    high as possible.                                   
                                                                        
                    ULYSSES crosses the stage. He is a student in       
                    his late twenties, who wears colorful clothes.      
                    He handles a heavy business bag.                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Rosa!                                                    
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
                         (O.S.)                                         
               Yes?                                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Any mail today?                                          
                                                                        
                    ROSA, a 29-year blond woman enters with a comb      
                    and checks her figure in the mirror. She wears      
                    high-heel shoes and a tiny dress.                   
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               No.                                                      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Has any one called me?                                   
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               No.                                                      
                                                                        
                    Ulysses drops his bag on the floor and seats in     
                    the sofa. He finds a gun inside it and plays        
                    with it.                                            
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
                         (continuing)                                   
               Now that I think about it-yes, you got an envelope.      
               It’s on the floor, besides the sofa.                     
                                                                        
                    Ulysses springs up to her words and looks           
                    around. He finds an envelope under the sofa.        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               It’s a bill.                                             
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                            3.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Still it’s yours.                                        
                         (beat)                                         
               Stop playing with that gun.                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Why did you buy it?                                      
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               To protect my self from rapists, you, silly boy.         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Guns are made for killing.                               
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Don’t lecture me.                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Are you sure no one has called me?                       
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               No one.                                                  
                         (pause)                                        
               Your mom.                                                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Huh!                                                     
                                                                        
                    He opens the envelope. Rosa combs her hair.         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (continuing)                                   
               Are you going to the beach today?                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               None of your business.                                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I ought to know.                                         
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Why?                                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Your dress may get you into trouble.                     
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               What do you mean?                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (having a hard time)                           
               You may trip down. Look at your high-heel shoes.         
                                                                        
                    Rosa looks at her shoes.                            
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                            4.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               That’s not gonna happened. I’m going to visit Samuel.    
               He has invited me to dine at his bungalow.               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Uh! The CEO?                                             
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Better known for his deadly free jumps. Last night he    
               defeated his own record. Did I tell you about his        
               Olympic medal?                                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I know he got one. I got three, did I tell you?          
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               No...                                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Yeah! In 1984! In a monthly football championship. Do    
               you want to see them?                                    
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               You cannot compare a piece of tin with Samuel’s          
               Olympic medal. Stop being jealous! Samuel, after all,    
               may help you to get a job.                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (sincere)                                      
               Are you sure?                                            
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               It’s a fact.                                             
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               That would make me so happy! Well, you better go out     
               before it’s too late!                                    
                                                                        
                    Ulysses stands up smiling and walks to the right    
                    of the stage. He looks at Rosa. He returns to       
                    the left of the stage. He looks again at Rosa.      
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Are you O.K.?                                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Everything all right! Are you driving your car?          
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I’d rather catch the train.                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I can drop you at Samuel’s bungalow if you want.         
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               That would be so kind of you.                            
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                            5.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m sure you would do the same in my place.              
                                                                        
                     Rosa smiles skeptical.                             
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I must give you some money--for oil.                     
                                                                        
                                   Scene 2                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lord Sharukh                                         
                                                                        
                    Rosa exits. LORD SHARUKH enters: he wears           
                    trousers, necktie and a hat. He handles a           
                    tablet.                                             
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               May I ask your banking number, please?                   
                                                                        
                    Ulysses moves around looking for his bag. He        
                    finds it and takes several items from it: books,    
                    letters, colorful brochures and journals that he    
                    throws on the stage. Lord Sharukh observes          
                    Ulysses’ movements with contempt.                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m not sure where I wrote it. Can you wait a second?    
               Where is it? You may take a seat, please. I              
               apologize. Honestly--it’s my fault. But even CEOs        
               make mistakes-at least once in a life-time, doesn’t      
               he? I mean, don’t they? I’m so sorry to keep you         
               waiting. Please, relax. Feel comfortable at home. It     
               must be somewhere around here. Now, if you allow         
               me...                                                    
                                                                        
                    Ulysses laughs nervously. He finds his wallet       
                    and takes a card out of it.                         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (continuing)                                   
               41756000000000000                                        
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               Thank you, Sir. For verification purposes, can you       
               give us your circumcision date?                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Pardon me?                                               
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               The day your penis was cut off, Sir.                     
                                                                        
                    Lord Sharukh exits. Rosa enters.                    
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        

                                                                6.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                   Scene 3                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Rosa                                                 
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Ready to leave?                                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (nervous)                                      
               I must sign a check first.                               
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               No lift, no money.                                       
                                                                        
                    Rosa leaves. Ulysses grasps some documents and      
                    walks to the proscenium.                            
                                                                        
                                   Scene 4                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lady Gaga.                                           
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga, an actress wearing a police officer      
                    outfit, crosses the stage. She handles a club in    
                    her hands. A plastic lap dog is laced from its      
                    neck to her hand.                                   
                                                                        
                    Ulysses steps back to avoid her--too late.          
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You are a guest in Globalization, Ulysses. As a legal    
               alien we expect you to report each morning at the        
               school.                                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (nervous)                                      
               Excuse me, Ma’am. I’m lost and...                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Otherwise, we may think you are trying to disturb our    
               community. In other words, we may suspect you are        
               looking for a job or, what is even worse, working.       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (nervous)                                      
               You are mistaken, Ma’am; I just got a letter. Here I     
               have it...                                               
                                                                        
                    Ulysses searches his clothes--fruitlessly.          
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Globalization law requests the full accomplishment of    
               your duty!                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m so, so, so, so sorry... I intended to go to the      
               immigration services, Mrs. I must extend my IP-33        
               form.                                                    
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                            7.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               IP-33? I love the color of that form--between yellow     
               and gray.                                                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Saffron.                                                 
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Yes! That’s the word. I see you are an educated          
               fellow. I will be glad to help you, Ulysses. May I       
               know how long you have been in Globalization?            
                                                                        
                    Ulysses takes out his passport and looks at his     
                    visa.                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Five months, Ma’am.                                      
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               That’s a long time. Out there you see thousands of       
               guys who would like to come to Globalization--even       
               for a day. Our government is extremely kind to allow     
               fellows from laid-back rain-forest countries to study    
               at our universities. Bear in mind that most of them      
               return home after three months of geographical           
               pleasure. You are the bearer of an exceptional           
               privilege.                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Thanks. But my visa will expire in two weeks.            
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga snatches the visa from his hands.         
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I’m not surprised.                                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Aren’t you?                                              
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You don’t need to go to the Immigration Office.          
               Instead, you should make an appointment with your        
               responsible officer.                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I haven’t had the opportunity to meet him yet.           
                         (upset)                                        
               But, to be sincere with you, I don’t want to deal        
               with him.                                                
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Don’t you? May I know why?                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Well...                                                  
                         (whispering)                                   
               May I tell you a secret?                                 
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                            8.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Please...                                                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Some aliens told me they are all scum...                 
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               That’s ludicrous. I’m your responsible officer, as a     
               matter of fact, and I know how to have a grip of         
               myself. I just whitened my teeth.                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               That’s what I told them. But they also told me all of    
               of you are but ex-mercenaries.                           
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               They may gossip I blew up a couple of wrong              
               embassies, but I was acquitted.                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I trust you, Lady Gaga!                                  
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I’m glad to hear you saying that. Globalization pays     
               me well just to take care of fellows like you,           
               Ulysses.                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I really appreciate it. I mean, what I said was          
               merely a joke--not mine, of course, but of those,        
               those, those...                                          
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You, aliens, have a strange sense of humor. Never        
               mind. Let’s look at your form, and see who signed it     
               for sponsorship.                                         
                                                                        
                    Ulysses takes out his wallet and hands out a        
                    document to Lady Gaga.                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I think you are wrong. My sponsor is my Mother.          
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
                         (pause, disgusted)                             
               Is she? Documents!                                       
                                                                        
                    She points out to his wallet.                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               That’s my wallet. Perhaps you are violating my           
               privacy, Lady Gaga.                                      
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Play once more the fool with me and I will issue a       
               D-666 deportation form.                                  
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                            9.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                    Ulysses takes out his wallet and hands it to        
                    Lady Gaga. She checks it out.                       
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
                         (continuing)                                   
               What a lovely picture. A young attractive woman. Is      
               she your wife?                                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               My Mother.                                               
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Good answer. I was testing you.                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Thanks.                                                  
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga studies the letter.                       
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You must present a new offer letter from whichever       
               University invited you to study in Globalization.        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Here I have it.                                          
                                                                        
                    Ulysses hands her a letter, which he takes from     
                    his pocket.                                         
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
                         (reading)                                      
               I’m impressed.                                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               They want me to be part of Globalization, Lady Gaga.     
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Sure they want. May I see your bank account              
               statement, please?                                       
                                                                        
                    Ulysses hands out a sheet from his pocket.          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               It proves I have enough funds to continue living         
               here, doesn’t it?                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               May I ask you a question?                                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Please.                                                  
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               How long do you intend to stay in our country?           
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga returns him the documents.                
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           10.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               To be frank with you, all my life.                       
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You are bold!                                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Please, understand my situation.                         
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               What do you intend to do in life?                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I have always longed to be a tycoon.                     
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You?                                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Since I was a kid. I want to have limousines and         
               sport cars. I shall owe a house in the beach, another    
               in the mountains, and nine penthouses--one in each of    
               the main capitals of the world: New York, LA, London,    
               Amsterdam, Barcelona, Paris, Vienna, Rome, Tokyo.        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               So, you don’t deny it! You came here just to make        
               money!                                                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I...                                                     
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               That’s disgusting.                                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               But...                                                   
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I want to see you in shape next week. You better go      
               to the gym.                                              
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga exits.                                    
                                                                        
                                   Scene 5                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lord Johnson.                                        
                                                                        
                    Lord Johnson, a man in his late sixties, enters.    
                    He wears a black suit  and white gloves.            
                                                                        
          LORD JOHNSON                                                  
               Did you finish your canvas?                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Here you are!                                            
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           11.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                    Ulysses takes off the blanket from the canvas,      
                    unveiling a pink and violet flat surface.           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               It only requires my signature!                           
                                                                        
          LORD JOHNSON                                                  
               But, by God!                                             
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Its conceptualization was not as easy as you may         
               think, believe me. For weeks I tried all kinds of        
               shapes and colors, multidimensional and holographic,     
               in order to express the vividness, the freshness         
               of...                                                    
                                                                        
          LORD JOHNSON                                                  
               And I already paid you one hundred nobles!               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I call it "Horses trotting on a prairie"                 
                                                                        
          LORD JOHNSON                                                  
               I know! That what it was supposed to be!                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Don’t you like it? It’s an abstraction. I’m a modern     
               artist, and you could see that...                        
                                                                        
          LORD JOHNSON                                                  
               You’ll pay for this! I swear it! You’ll pay for this!    
                                                                        
                    Lord Johnson exits. Ulysses returns to the          
                    canvas and covers it with the blanket. Then he      
                    laughs.                                             
                                                                        
                                   Scene 6                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Old Mother.                                          
                                                                        
                    Old Mother, a 70-year old businesswoman enters.     
                    She handles a stick. Ulysses wears on hastily       
                    his clothes.                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               What are you doing, Ulysses?                             
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I am studying.                                           
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Did you just wake up?                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               It’s twenty past noon.                                   
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           12.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Have you gotten any job?                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Not yet.                                                 
                         (pause)                                        
               But I will.                                              
                         (pause)                                        
               I haven’t received my monthly stipend, Mother.           
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I was told you are living with an atheist.               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Her name is Rosa.                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Rosa? That’s a rain forest name. Couldn’t you get        
               something better?                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Better?                                                  
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               A girl with a Globalization name.                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I don’t know too many.                                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               We hear about them all the time: Lady D., Melanie,       
               Britney.                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Rosa was born in Globalization. Her parents, her         
               siblings and her previous lovers are Globalization       
               nationals as well.                                       
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Her previous lovers?                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Platonic lovers. She’s still a virgin.                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Very impressive. Does she have a job?                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Not really...                                            
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               What does she make for a living?                         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               She got a tuition grant from Globalization.              
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           13.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Why haven’t you got any?                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               They are for nationals only.                             
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I have decided to take care of your investments,         
               Ulysses.                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               But, why?                                                
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Climaco will graduate in two months. His party will      
               cost us fifty thousand nobles. Yes, fifty thousand.      
               We must reduce expenses. From now on you will have to    
               provide for yourself.                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               But I can’t work!                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Your inheritance won’t feed you all your life,           
               Ulysses. Need is the school of life. Poverty, the        
               path of resourcefulness; suffering, of manhood.          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               At least three hundred nobles, Mother!                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (continuing)                                   
               Chotu got a job two weeks after his arrival to           
               Globalization. He has a car, a glamorous wife and a      
               family that loves him.                                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Chotu came to Globalization twenty years ago. I          
               haven’t accomplished my fifth month yet.                 
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Didn’t you just tell me that you had a job?              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               No, I didn’t. Nobody hires me. I’m a rain forest         
               alien.                                                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               That’s because you are looking for a bureaucratic        
               position. You should start with a decent job. To         
               clean toilettes is an outrageous humiliation in the      
               rain forest, but that very job is a gratifying           
               experience in Globalization.                             
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Two hundred nobles!                                      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           14.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Chotu started as a chef assistant. Today he is the       
               main waiter of an aristocratic hotel restaurant where    
               he has had the opportunity to serve Lord Hippo and       
               Lord Condor. According to his experience, the farts      
               of the Queen are truly unique. Of course, Chotu          
               studied chemistry. But he prefers to work in a           
               restaurant. His experience proves there is not           
               discrimination in Globalization. You can get a           
               well-paid cleaning job at once--just as Chotu did.       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               As Chotu? He waits all day on the street, just to        
               feed on garbage!                                         
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Don’t be jealous! To beg is not a crime. He even has     
               a house.                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               In a housing project.                                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (stern)                                        
               How can you question the hospitality of                  
               Globalization? You are full of rain forest               
               resentment. I won’t alter my decision.                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Fifty nobles.                                            
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               All right. But you should sign a document authorizing    
               me to manage your inheritance.                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               But, what?                                               
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               You may deliver pizza from door to door, for             
               instance--as in the movies.                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               That would be illegal.                                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Illegal! Is that another name for laziness? Life         
               requires sacrifice, Ulysses. Now listen to me. Go to     
               the nearest Italian pizza shop and get a delivery        
               job!                                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I can’t do it. I want to be clean.                       
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Then ask to that girl you have-- Pooja--to marry you.    
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        

                                                               15.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                   Scene 7                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Rosa.                                                
                                                                        
                    The light casts over Rosa, who, seated on the       
                    floor, lies on the sofa. She, wearing a night       
                    gown, watches TV. Ulysses sits down and holds       
                    her hand.                                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Rosa.                                                    
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I will go out for the weekend, Ulysses. My best          
               friend has asked me to visit him.                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I understand! A lot of fun! I will study then.           
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Again? That sounds so boring. Why don’t you get a        
               friend?                                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               You are my friend.                                       
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I mean, another.                                         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I should finish my canvas.                               
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               How boring. Now I must pack my luggage.                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Promise me you are not going to see any man up there.    
                                                                        
                    Rosa laughs.                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (continuing)                                   
               Would you marry me?                                      
                                                                        
                                   Scene 8                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Rosa, Samuel.                                        
                                                                        
                    SAMUEL enters: an athletic man wearing a            
                    climbing outfit. Rosa stands up and kisses him.     
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I am living with a rain forest fellow.                   
                                                                        
          SAMUEL                                                        
               I bet he is obsessed with sex. Those guys start          
               handling chicks and pigs. What does he do?               
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           16.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               He studies arts.                                         
                                                                        
          SAMUEL                                                        
               The next Pollock, right? Did you meet him at the         
               university?                                              
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               We share an apartment. I got the best deal from him.     
                                                                        
          SAMUEL                                                        
               Beware of those tramps. They do everything to get        
               their residency permit in Globalization.                 
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Let’s talk about something serious. Are you going to     
               break your own record once again?                        
                                                                        
          SAMUEL                                                        
               That depends of the money I get. I already agreed to     
               jump three hundred feet without a parachute.             
                                                                        
                    Samuel leaves.                                      
                                                                        
                                   Scene 9                              
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Rosa, Old Mother.                                    
                                                                        
                    Rosa returns to Ulysses. Ulysses pours wine into    
                    both cups. Old Mother enters. Rosa drinks.          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Taking on account the privileges an  alien gets once     
               he marries a national, you may suspect I don’t love      
               you.                                                     
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I can’t marry you.                                       
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Won’t you be able to get her?                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (to his Old Mother)                            
               Rosa is involved in several professional projects.       
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I don’t want a useless son. Now go and talk to the       
               president of the corporation.                            
                                                                        
                    Ulysses stands up to face his Mother.               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               What corporation?                                        
                                                                        
                    Rosa, visibly upset, exits.                         
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           17.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Whichever. Globalization is full of them. Call them      
               and ask them for an interview.                           
                                                                        
                    Old Mother exits.                                   
                                                                        
                                   Scene 10                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lord Shakti, Lord Basha.                             
                                                                        
                    Lord Shakti enters followed by Lord Basha.          
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               Who are you?                                             
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               My name is Ulysses Argüello. I came to Globalization     
               seven months ago. I have learnt to speak your            
               language with a local accent. Love-ly. Do I get my       
               point across? Re-mark-a-ble. Is it pretty clear? I       
               apologize to promote myself in such a sneaky way. My     
               previous boss used to say: "This fellow", that’s me,     
               "works as a horse". You can rely on me, Sir.             
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               Do I know you?                                           
                                                                        
          LORD BASHA                                                    
               He insisted to talk to you, Lord Shakti. He wants to     
               work as your private loo cleaner.                        
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               Does he have any experience?                             
                                                                        
          LORD BASHA                                                    
               An impressive record--yes.                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I used to take care of a battalion’s loo in the army,    
               Sir. Three hundred men popping in and out day and        
               night. I can assure you I will turn your bath into a     
               shiny nice-looking bowl.                                 
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               I like this guy. We need people with initiative.         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Thank you, Sir. You won’t regret it.                     
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               And he has a good sense of humor!                        
                                                                        
                    Ulysses exits laughing.                             
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               Does he qualify for the position, then?                  
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           18.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LORD BASHA                                                    
               We should request his Globalization working permit,      
               Sir.                                                     
                                                                        
          LORD SHAKTI                                                   
               What? That’s indecent! You have been wasting my time,    
               Lord Basha.                                              
                                                                        
                    Lord Shakti exits. Ulysses enters combing his       
                    hair with a comb.                                   
                                                                        
          LORD BASHA                                                    
               I regret to inform you that the position as Lord         
               President’s Toilet Cleaner has been fulfilled. Our       
               decision was based on our current needs, and it does     
               not represent, by any means, your personal               
               qualifications as a candidate. We suggest you to keep    
               in touch with our office for further job positions.      
               Our best wishes on your professional career.             
                                                                        
                    Lord Basha and Ulysses exit by opposite             
                    directions. Darkness. Sound of heavy traffic,       
                    car beep and a broken glass.                        
                                                                        
                                   Scene 11                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lady Gaga.                                           
                                                                        
                    Car lights cast over Ulysses, who lies on the       
                    floor. Lady Gaga enters. She looks                  
                    around--searching for possible witnesses.           
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I am afraid I followed you too close.                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I need to go to a hospital.                              
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Damn! Had you not come to this country I wouldn’t        
               have hit you! Have you updated all your documents,       
               Ulysses?                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Sure.                                                    
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Even your health insurance?                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Health insurance?                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You must paid a health insurance--that’s the law.        
               That way tax-payers don’t have to be responsible for     
               your hospital bills. You will have to pay only,          
               perhaps, a small deductible amount. But never mind,      
                              (More)                                    
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           19.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA (continuing)                                        
               since I was the one who hit you, I will pay any          
               deductible fees from my own pocket.                      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (nervous)                                      
               Very kind of you, Lady Gaga.                             
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga holds him in her arms.                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (continuing)                                   
               How much would a hospital charge for taking care of      
               someone in my condition?                                 
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               That depends of your broken bones and the amount of      
               time you spend under intensive care. It may cost you     
               over ten thousand nobles a day.                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Ten thousand nobles a day!                               
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Globalization health care is the most expensive in       
               the world. Over ten thousand nobles a day. Yes! And      
               let’s not talk about the X-ray extra-fees.               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Extra-fees?                                              
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               So, do you have a health insurance?                      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m afraid I don’t.                                      
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Just what I feared! You have committed a serious         
               offense, Ulysses.                                        
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga drops him. Ulysses falls flat on the      
                    floor.                                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I thought it was not necessary.                          
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You better go to the bank and get all the money you      
               can. We’ll go to the Hospital!                           
                                                                        
                    Ulysses stands up limping.                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Let’s just forget what happened.                         
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           20.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I can’t leave you here.                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I beg you!                                               
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               That would be unfair!                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I entreat you!                                           
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Let me think...                                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I beseech you!                                           
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Take out your shirt.                                     
                                                                        
                    Ulysses takes out his shirt, discovering a set      
                    of metallic biceps, part of a superhero costume.    
                    Lady Gaga pads them.                                
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You are not an ugly boy...                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I implore you!                                           
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I will accept your plea, with one condition.             
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga approaches Ulysses face to hers.          
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
                         (continuing)                                   
               You will have to visit me on Saint Valentine’s day.      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Sure.                                                    
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You are lucky I was the one who hit you, babe!           
                                                                        
                    They exit by opposite directions--Ulysses limps.    
                                                                        
                                   Scene 12                             
                                                                        
          Climaco, Mother.                                              
                                                                        
                    CLIMACO, a 25-year old hippie wearing silk          
                    clothes, enters with the Mother. He carries two     
                    baby dolls.                                         
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           21.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Uh, Dear Climaco. I am so glad to see you here. Who      
               are these beautiful babies?                              
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Your grandchildren.                                      
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Really? Uh, thanks.                                      
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I would like you to take care of them during the         
               weekend. My wife and I want to spend a couple of days    
               in the mountains.                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               You are in your right! But these are your children,      
               not mine.                                                
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               If you love me, you must love them!                      
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I wish I were in Globalization, where the elderly are    
               never bothered by the young.                             
                                                                        
                    Climaco leaves the baby-dolls over the sofa.        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (continuing)                                   
               Would you like to drink a beer?                          
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               It’s too heavy for my stomach.                           
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               A glass of whiskey?                                      
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I dislike whiskey.                                       
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               A cup of champagne? Le Gelet Mort?                       
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               If you don’t mind.                                       
                                                                        
                    Old Mother picks up the bottle and serves her a     
                    cup.                                                
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
                         (with a baby voice)                            
               Any news from Ulysses?                                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Some. He got into an accident.                           
                         (pause)                                        
                              (More)                                    
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           22.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER (continuing)                                       
               But now he is fine.                                      
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               He’s sleeping on our nobles.                             
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               How so?                                                  
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               He lives in a luxurious apartment, just in the center    
               of Globalization!                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I now take care of his inheritance--I told you.          
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Will he come to my wedding party?                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               By no means. He may suspect we are still well-off.       
               After all we have a lot of jungle land.                  
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               He should be the one taking care of us. Globalization    
               is a golden mine. He should be the one who sends us      
               money.                                                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I would have rather send you to Globalization. You       
               don’t waste your time in silly activities, such as       
               painting portraits that no one buys. But you failed      
               the admission tests.                                     
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I blame my sense of honesty. A professor tried to        
               black-mail me. Now compare the money dad left us. I’m    
               in disadvantage.                                         
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               True.                                                    
                                                                        
                    Silence. Sound of a thunder storm.                  
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               We are going to emigrate, Mother.                        
                                                                        
                    Climaco lights a cigarette.                         
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               That’s a sound decision.                                 
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Do you think Ulysses will host us?                       
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           23.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Do not even question it, Climaco. That’s his duty.       
                                                                        
                    Old Mother smells Climaco’s clothes.                
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Are you smoking again, Climaco?                          
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Only once in a while.                                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (sobbing)                                      
               He is often depressed. I hope his wife is not getting    
               him into drugs.                                          
                                                                        
                    Climaco stands up.                                  
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               What did she tell you?                                   
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               She doesn’t hide secrets to your Mom!                    
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I hate her!                                              
                                                                        
                    Old Mother pours wine in her cup and drinks,        
                    fixing her gaze on the TV screen.                   
                                                                        
                    Climaco sobs.                                       
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               She was only interested in my money! Now that I’m        
               poor she plans to leave me!                              
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               For once in a lifetime, you got it right!                
                                                                        
                    Climaco exits.                                      
                                                                        
                    We listen to a Piazzola tango.                      
                                                                        
                    Old Mother stands up and leaves the stage.          
                                                                        
                                   SCENE 13                             
                                                                        
          Rosa, Samuel, Ulysses, Mother.                                
                                                                        
                    Rosa and Samuel enter as they dance. Ulysses        
                    enters by the left with an old cumbersome           
                    camera. He sets it up.                              
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               If Ulysses likes to be at the mercy of her Old           
               Mother, that’s his problem. I don’t have to justify      
               myself! She doesn’t deserve a picture of me! There is    
                              (More)                                    
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           24.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA (continuing)                                             
               nothing I hate as much as to smile in front of a         
               silly camera. I already told him: "I won’t do it! You    
               may insist, but I won’t do it!"                          
                                                                        
                    Flash. Rosa screams. The music is harshly           
                    interrupted.                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
                         (continuing; hysterical)                       
               Ulysses! You, son of a cat! I’m talking to you! How      
               dare you? (to Samuel) Did you see? Ulysses did it! He    
               took that pic without my consent, Samuel!                
                                                                        
                    Samuel exits. Rosa approaches Ulysses. She slaps    
                    him and embraces him.                               
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
                         (continuing)                                   
               You are the only one I have!                             
                                                                        
                    Old Mother’s laugh is heard.                        
                                                                        
                    Rosa kisses Ulysses.                                
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I am too bored. I am leaving.                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Would you mind if I go with you?                         
                                                                        
                    She doesn’t move. Ulysses takes out the gun from    
                    the sofa.                                           
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               There is a blizzard out there.                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               It’s the storm of the century.                           
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Cut the crap. Stop playing with that gun.                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Why did you buy it?                                      
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               I already told you!                                      
                         (pause)                                        
               Did you send that pic to your Mother?                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               She likes you!                                           
                                                                        
                    Rosa stands up in anger.                            
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           25.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Am I supposed to believe you? I’m fed up of your         
               Mother! You are pathetic! You do everything she says.    
               What a bitch! If I were you I just send her to hell!     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I could hurt her.                                        
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               So what? Maybe then she will learn to appreciate you     
               a little bit!                                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               She created me.                                          
                                                                        
          ROSA                                                          
               Created you? How many times I should tell you? We are    
               just garbage! You better get a job!                      
                                                                        
                    She exits.                                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Rosa!                                                    
                                                                        
                    Ulysses hides the gun and stands up.                
                                                                        
                    He walks around the sofa.                           
                                                                        
                                   Scene 14                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lord Varaha, Lord Gabbar.                            
                                                                        
                    LORD VARAHA, a 40-year old man, enters. He          
                    pushes a wheel chair, where LORD GABBAR, a          
                    slender actor who wears a swimming suit, sucks a    
                    gigantic lollipop. He also handles a tablet.        
                                                                        
                    Lord Varaha wears hat and raincoat. One of his      
                    fingers bears a heavy ring with a ruby.             
                                                                        
                    Ulysses kneels down in front of Lord Varaha and     
                    kisses his ring.                                    
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               I asked the candidates to cross Globalization from       
               coast to coast as a token of their loyalty. But this     
               is the only one who came. Was I too weird, perhaps?      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’d say you were rather keen, sound, lucid, sane,        
               smart, and overall, commonsensical...                    
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Very good answer!                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           26.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               rational, wise, judicious, shrewd, astute, prudent,      
               careful, gentle!                                         
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Enough! Thanks!                                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m at your service, Lord Varaha.                        
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               Nobody else came to the convention, Doc.                 
                                                                        
                    Lord Varaha runs to the right corner of the         
                    stage. He peruses the audience. He runs to the      
                    left corner of the stage. He peruses the sky. He    
                    returns.                                            
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               This fellow will do for all of them.                     
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               But according to this form, we must interview no less    
               than twenty seven candidates.                            
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               You will write, then, any twenty six names, Lord         
               Gabbar--wouldn’t you?                                    
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               You are so, so cleaver!                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               So honest!                                               
                                                                        
                    Lord Varaha and Lord Gabbar stare at Ulysses,       
                    who feeling uncomfortable, steps back. They turn    
                    their backs to Ulysses.                             
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               How innocent.                                            
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               How credulous.                                           
                                                                        
                    They turn around.                                   
                                                                        
                    Lord Gabbar types on his computer.                  
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Where are you from?                                      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I am from the rain forest.                               
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           27.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Did you hear, Gabbary? What a grammar! He divides the    
               personal pronoun from the ontological verb. Are you      
               from the jungle then?                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               That’s correct.                                          
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Are you planning to return to the jungle later on?       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Over my dead body.                                       
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               I appreciate your sincerity. We need trusty fellows,     
               guys able to work under extreme conditions of            
               salubrity.                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m a survivor.                                          
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               I’m listening.                                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Every fifteen minutes a man, woman or child is           
               murdered in my country.                                  
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               Congratulations!                                         
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Do you speak any other language besides the civilized    
               one?                                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Seven Chibcha dialects.                                  
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Chibcha?                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               From a remote globalization that flourished...           
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Enough. Do you cook?                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I would be delighted.                                    
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               You are hired, then. Gabbary, please, hand out the       
               contract to this cook assistant; to this courageous      
               survivor of the tropical rain-forest, and then meet      
               me on the beach.                                         
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           28.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                    Lord Gabbar stands up and passes a sheet and a      
                    pen to Ulysses.                                     
                                                                        
                    Ulysses studies the sheet. Waltz tune. Lord         
                    Gabbar drops his body on the foreground and         
                    drags his body, as swimming. Lord Varaha takes      
                    his coat off, uncovering a swimming suit. After     
                    some hesitation he jumps into these imaginary       
                    waters. During the next conversation, Lord          
                    Gabbar and Lord Varaha will stage a                 
                    choreography.                                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               How many nobles will I earn?                             
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Five hundred per month.                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Isn’t it too low?                                        
                                                                        
          LORD PIG                                                      
               Better than nothing.                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I understand! How many hours will I work?                
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               Sixty four per week.                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Isn’t it a heavy load?                                   
                                                                        
          LORD PIG                                                      
               Do you want to work?                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Sure! May I know my working hours?                       
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               From six in the morning until midnight.                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (laughing)                                     
               Seriously.                                               
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               Seriously.                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I see! I accept.                                         
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
                         (to Lord Varaha)                               
               You  didn’t asked him to be in charge of my barn! And    
               what about cocaine?                                      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           29.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               No need to mention it. Once he signs, he will have to    
               do it.                                                   
                                                                        
                    Lord Varaha and Lord Gabbar exit.                   
                                                                        
                                   Scene 15                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Old Mother.                                          
                                                                        
                    Old Mother crosses the stage.                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I got a job, Mother!                                     
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Doing what?                                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I will be a cook.                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Couldn’t you be the president of a company?              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               No, Mother.                                              
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Have you applied to GM?                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               No, Mother.                                              
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               What are you waiting for?                                
                                                                        
                    Ulysses exits.                                      
                                                                        
                                   Scene 16                             
                                                                        
          Climaco, Old Mother.                                          
                                                                        
                    Climaco enters.                                     
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
                         (to Old Mother, laughing)                      
               Do you remember Victor? The employee who cut his         
               wrist with a broken piece of glass?                      
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               The crook who sued us.                                   
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               He is now our new mayor!                                 
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           30.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (almost passing out)                           
               Oh, dear!                                                
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I must travel, Mom! I must travel!                       
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Don’t forget to correct your brother’s sentimental       
               life.                                                    
                                                                        
                    They exit. Lights dim off.                          
                                                                        
                                   Scene 17                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lord Sharukh.                                        
                                                                        
                    Knocks on the door. Ulysses comes out and           
                    returns followed by Lord Sharukh.                   
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               We apologize for the confusion. Sir. I understood        
               0001. Now I am confident your identity number is         
               0000.                                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I was worried, believe me.                               
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               A digit can alter the fate of an entire nation, Sir.     
               What can the FIRST EMIGRANT UNION CORPORATION do for     
               you today?                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               What would you do if I cannot pay off my debts?          
                                                                        
                    Lord Sharukh looks haughty at Ulysses.              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (continuing)                                   
               It may happen.                                           
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               I understand. Do you smoke?                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               No.                                                      
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               Do you drink?                                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               No.                                                      
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               Then we recommend you to sell one of your kidneys in     
               our Health Care Centers.                                 
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           31.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Thanks.                                                  
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               If you are forced to take such tragic decision,          
               please don’t forget to mention my name. Lord Sharukh,    
               the Lord who rhymes with "of course"                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Sure.                                                    
                                                                        
          LORD SHARUKH                                                  
               The FIRST EMIGRANT UNION CORPORATION wishes you a        
               happy day, Sir, and thanks again for relying on us.      
                                                                        
                    Lord Sharukh exits. Ulysses looks at his watch      
                    and runs on the opposite direction.                 
                                                                        
                                   Scene 18                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lady Gaga.                                           
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga enters wearing a dominatrix outfit and    
                    a whip. Ulysses enters. She whips the floor.        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You are late.                                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I was paying a loan.                                     
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               A bank loan?                                             
                         (pause)                                        
               You are not entitle to request loans while living in     
               Globalization.                                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (playing the fool)                             
               What a charming apartment.                               
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Feel at home--please.                                    
                                                                        
                    Ulysses sprawls in the sofa. Lady Gaga              
                    approaches him and caresses him with the whip.      
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
                         (continuing)                                   
               You are lucky I sympathize with five-feet tall hairy     
               rain forest studs.                                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Hairy? Tall? Stud? Who?                                  
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           32.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You wrote me you want your relatives to visit you.       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Yes. I intend to invite my brother Climaco to            
               Globalization--while I complete my research.             
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Does he live in a rain-forest barn?                      
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               He has a barn--yes! How do you know it?                  
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Instinct.                                                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Well, he really lives in a four-bedroom apartment.       
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               And he doesn’t have a visa, I presume.                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Not yet. The immigration service wants to be sure        
               Climaco has enough money to pay his expenses while       
               visiting me. I want to...                                
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga covers Ulysses’ mouth with her whip.      
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               You don’t have to persuade me. You must prove it.        
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga takes Ulysses by his head.                
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
                         (continuing; horny)                            
               I’m sorry to inform you, Ulysses, but your brother is    
               not a member of your immediate family.                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I always doubted it.                                     
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               In legal terms, your immediate family is made up of      
               your parents, your wife and your children--that’s the    
               law.                                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Climaco won’t be happy to hear that.                     
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Now, are you going to question me?                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               By no means. Without your help we’d be still living      
               on trees...                                              
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           33.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               I see you memorized your lesson very well! I want to     
               see you, anyway.                                         
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’d rather stick to the law.                             
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Your honesty sounds suspicious to me, babe.              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m a honest man, Lady Gaga.                             
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               Are you? Suppose you marry me. Wouldn’t you be able      
               to stay?                                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I am forced to be physically present in my country       
               for a two-year period.                                   
                                                                        
          LADY GAGA                                                     
               That’s very true! Too bad.                               
                                                                        
                    Lady Gaga exits with an ironic smile. Ulysses       
                    runs to the opposite side.                          
                                                                        
                                   Scene 19                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Mother.                                              
                                                                        
                    Old Mother enters.                                  
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               How many nobles do you owe, Ulysses?                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (O.S.)                                         
               Twenty five thousand.                                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I told you never to accept a loan. Didn’t I?             
                                                                        
                    Ulysses enters.                                     
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I had to climb the Himalayas to get my new job.          
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Did you receive the pictures of Climaco’s engagement     
               party?                                                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Yes. I did.                                              
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           34.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I want you to rip them off. All of them.                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Why?                                                     
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (crying)                                       
               He is going through a divorce, Ulysses.                  
                                                                        
                    Old Mother exits.                                   
                                                                        
                                   Scene 20                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Climaco.                                             
                                                                        
                    Climaco enters, bruised and battered. He wears      
                    rags.                                               
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I’m so happy to see you! Believe me! My dearest          
               bother!                                                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m your only brother!                                   
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I didn’t mean to offend you.                             
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               You already did it, and I already forgave you.           
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Life in the rain forest is hell. You, on the             
               contrary, are lucky to live in Globalization, where      
               the sun shines every day.                                
                                                                        
                     Ulysses looks at the sky. Thunder.                 
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               It’s just an expression.                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I see.                                                   
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I have decided to move to Globalization for good         
               before the end of the year.                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Are you going to rent an apartment?                      
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               That’s not the idea. I’d rather share my last            
               bachelor days with you.                                  
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           35.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               What? For how long?                                      
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Indefinitely. After all Mom and Dad paid quite a         
               fortune bringing you up!                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               But I need privacy, Climaco.                             
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               The rain forest stinks. Shut up your mouth--I know       
               you will open that door as soon as you see me! You       
               won’t leave me on the street.                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               You don’t understand. I live with Rosa. Her real name    
               is Lady Bitch. We share our lives.                       
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
                         (to Old Mother)                                
               Did you listen to him, Mom?                              
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER (V.O.)                                             
               Have you lost your mind, Ulysses?                        
                         (to Ulysses)                                   
               You are taking your revenge, just because Climaco        
               divorced a pretty girl.                                  
                                                                        
                    Climaco exits.                                      
                                                                        
                                   Scene 21                             
                                                                        
          Old Mother.                                                   
                                                                        
                    Dim lights. Old Mother, in a wheel chair, rolls     
                    up to the center of the stage.                      
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (lyrical)                                      
               Cursed be the night loaded with brief pleasure, when     
               I conceived the scorn of my sad husband.                 
                         (to Ulysses)                                   
               It seems to me that it was yesterday when you were       
               born.                                                    
                                                                        
                    Her smile vanishes.                                 
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (continuing; angry)                            
               Is it true that you don’t want to host your brother?     
               Don’t be ludicrous! You haven’t seen me angry yet!       
               Open your doors to Climaco and be gentle with            
               him--otherwise I won’t talk to you anymore! (sweet)      
               After all, you owe me all you are--without me you        
               wouldn’t have even exist!                                
                         (angry)                                        
                              (More)                                    
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           36.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER (continuing)                                       
               And stop your bitterness. There are many reasons to      
               be happy. Your brother and I have been very hard         
               workers.                                                 
                                                                        
                    Full lights.                                        
                                                                        
                                   Scene 22                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Old Mother.                                          
                                                                        
                    Ulysses lies sleep on the floor.                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
                         (continuing)                                   
               It is almost nine, Ulysses. Were you sleeping?           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I worked until midnight. How is your health, Mother?     
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Worst. I cannot walk.                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I would like to come back to the rain forest.            
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Don’t even mention it! Your life is in Globalization,    
               Ulysses. Your return would be a shame! An offense        
               against all of us! Ulysses! Please! You don’t want me    
               to see me crying. I want you to support Climaco--do      
               it as an act of charity. He is going through a hard      
               time.                                                    
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               So am I. My boss humiliates me.                          
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               You must respect your superiors! Be humble. If you       
               have problems, it’s your fault.                          
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               How is that if Climaco has problems, it is the           
               world’s fault?                                           
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Don’t make fun of me! Your older brother will arrive     
               to Globalization airport tomorrow at five p.m.           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Tomorrow? He told me he was planning to travel next      
               year!                                                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               He changed his mind.                                     
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           37.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Tomorrow? What for? I haven’t discussed this matter      
               with Lady Bitch!                                         
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               With whom?                                               
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               My girlfriend. Why didn’t you inform me of his trip      
               before?                                                  
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               I hope you won’t be so wicked as to forsake your         
               brother in an unknown country.                           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Do I have any choice?                                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               Stop bickering on your duties! Your brother just got     
               his first divorce! I almost lost my entire fortune in    
               one month! I had to sell my farm to cover the cost of    
               Climaco’s flight ticket.                                 
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I’m fed up of your tears, Mother; of your talk, of       
               your needs, of your dreams! I’m fed up of this           
               comedy: you, the suffering Mother, and I, the            
               obedient son who must stay at any cost in                
               Globalization.                                           
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               By heavens!                                              
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               My life is miserable here, Mother. My patience has       
               worn out. Why can’t you understand it?                   
                         (pause)                                        
               I’ll fly back to the jungle!                             
                                                                        
                    Old Mother sobs.                                    
                                                                        
          OLD MOTHER                                                    
               At least Climaco loves me!                               
                                                                        
                    Old Mother cries.                                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Your tears won’t do it!                                  
                                                                        
                    Old Mother moans.                                   
                                                                        
                    Fade out.                                           
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        

                                                               38.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                   Scene 23                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Lord Varaha, Lord Gabbar.                            
                                                                        
                    Fade in. Ulysses cleans and orders the stage.       
                                                                        
                    Lord Varaha and Lord Gabbar enter.                  
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               Did you miss your flight again? We ordered you to        
               bring us a suitcase of spices from the jungle!           
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I might be needed, but not stupid. I quit.               
                                                                        
          LORD GABBAR                                                   
               I told you! Never trust a jungle fellow!                 
                                                                        
          LORD VARAHA                                                   
               I’ll ban you from all the restaurants in town!           
                                                                        
                    Lord Varaha and Lord Gabbar exit.                   
                                                                        
                                   Scene 24                             
                                                                        
          Ulysses, Climaco.                                             
                                                                        
                    Climaco enters carrying two suitcases.              
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Thanks for picking me up at the airport, brother.        
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               The least I can do.                                      
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Your apartment is clean and beautiful. You must be       
               making a lot of money. Do you hire a housemaid?          
                                                                        
                    Ulysses picks up his luggage.                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               I spent the whole night cleaning up the place.           
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Did your girlfriend help you?                            
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               No. She is too dedicated to her work.                    
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I see.                                                   
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
                         (nervous)                                      
               She can spend a whole night at her office.               
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                         (CONTINUES)    

          CONTINUING                                           39.      
                                                                        
                                                                        
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               I would like to meet her! Where is she?                  
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               She won’t be back until Wednesday.                       
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               What is she doing?                                       
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Visiting a friend, I believe.                            
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               A friend? Male or female?                                
                                                                        
          ULYSSES                                                       
               Does it matter?                                          
                         (pause)                                        
               I’ve arranged a bedroom for you.                         
                                                                        
          CLIMACO                                                       
               Do not move. I am so happy to see you again.             
                             &nb