Civilization
by
HUGO SANTANDER
ACT I
A small table in front of an old
sofa. There is a
bottle of wine, two cups and popcorn
on a table.
TV screen and mirror on the right;
hanger with
clothes on the left. Towards the
center we see an
easel that sustains a canvas covered
by a blanket,
and a shelf with worn-out pocket
books. The stage
is
lit by
a small window placed as high as
possible.
ULYSSES crosses the stage. He is a
student in his
late twenties, who wears colorful
clothes. He
handles a heavy business bag.
ULYSSES
Rosa!
ROSA
(O.S.)
Yes?
ULYSSES
Any mail today?
ROSA, a 29-year blond woman enters
with a comb and
checks
her figure in
the mirror. She wears
high-heel shoes and a tiny dress.
ROSA
No.
ULYSSES
Has any one called me?
ROSA
No.
Ulysses drops his bag on the floor
and seats in
the sofa. He finds a gun inside it
and plays with
it.
ROSA
(continuing)
Now that I think about it-yes, you
got an envelope.
It's on the floor, besides the sofa.
Ulysses springs up to her words and
looks around.
He finds an envelope under the sofa.
ULYSSES
It's a bill.
ROSA
Still
it's yours.
ROSA
(continuing)
Stop playing with that gun.
ULYSSES
Why did you buy it?
ROSA
To protect my ass from intruders,
you, silly boy.
ULYSSES
Guns are made for killing.
ROSA
Don't lecture me.
ULYSSES
Are you sure no one has called me?
ROSA
No one.
(pause)
Your
mom.
ULYSSES
Huh!
He opens the envelope. Rosa combs her
hair.
ULYSSES
(continuing)
Are you going to the beach today?
ROSA
None
of your business.
ULYSSES
I ought to know.
ROSA
Why?
ULYSSES
Your dress may get you into trouble.
ROSA
What do you mean?
ULYSSES
(having
a
hard time)
You may trip down. Look at your
high-heel shoes.
Rosa looks at her shoes.
ROSA
That's not gonna happened. I'm going
to visit Samuel.
He has invited me to dine at his
bungalow.
ULYSSES
Uh! The CEO?
ROSA
Better known for his deadly free
jumps. Last night he
defeated his own record. Did I tell
you about his
Olympic medal?
ULYSSES
I know he got one. I got three, did I
tell you?
ROSA
No...
ULYSSES
Yeah! In 1984! In a monthly football
championship. Do
you want to see them?
ROSA
You cannot compare such rubbish with
Samuel's Olympic
medal. Stop being jealous! Samuel,
after all, may help
you to get a job.
ULYSSES
(sincere)
Are you sure?
ROSA
It's a fact.
ULYSSES
That would make me so happy! Well,
you better go out
before it's too late!
Ulysses stands up smiling and walks
to the right
of
the
stage. He looks at Rosa. He returns to the
left of the stage. He looks again at
Rosa.
ROSA
Are you O.K.?
ULYSSES
Everything all right! Are you driving
your car?
ROSA
I'd rather catch the train.
ULYSSES
I can drop you at Samuel's bungalow
if you want.
ROSA
That would be so kind of you.
ULYSSES
I'm sure you would do the same in my
place.
Rosa smiles skeptical.
ROSA
I must give you some money--for oil.
Rosa exits. LORD LION enters: he
wears trousers,
necktie and a hat. He handles a
blackberry.
LION
May I ask your banking number,
please?
Ulysses moves around looking for his
bag. He finds
it and takes several items from it:
books,
letters, colorful brochures and
journals that he
throws on the stage. Lord Lion
observes Ulysses'
movements with contempt.
ULYSSES
I'm not sure where I wrote it. Can
you wait a second?
Where is it? You may take a seat,
please. I apologize.
Honestly--it's my fault. But even
CEOs make mistakes-at
least once in a life-time, doesn't
he? I mean, don't
they? I'm so sorry to keep you
waiting. Please, relax.
Feel comfortable at home. It must be
somewhere around
here. Now, if you allow me...
Ulysses laughs nervously. He finds
his wallet and
takes a card out of it.
ULYSSES
(continuing)
41756000000000000
LION
Thank you, Sir. For verification
purposes, can you give
us your circumcision date?
ULYSSES
Pardon me?
LION
The day your penis was cut off, Sir.
Lord Lion exits. Rosa enters.
ROSA
Ready to leave?
ULYSSES
(nervous)
I must sign a check first.
ROSA
No lift, no money.
Rosa leaves. Ulysses grasps some
documents and
walks to the proscenium.
LADY Cat, an actress wearing a police
officer
outfit, crosses the stage. She
handles a club in
her hands. A plastic lap dog is laced
from its
neck to her hand.
Ulysses steps back to avoid her--too
late.
CAT
You are a guest in Civilization,
Ulysses. As a legal
alien we expect you to report each
morning at the
school.
ULYSSES
(nervous)
Excuse me, Mom. I'm lost and...
CAT
Otherwise, we may think you are
trying to disturb our
community. In other words, we may
suspect you are
looking for a job or, what is even
worse, working.
ULYSSES
(nervous)
You are mistaken, Mom; I just got a
letter. Here I have
it...
Ulysses searches his
clothes--fruitlessly.
CAT
Civilization law requests the full
accomplishment of
your duty!
ULYSSES
I'm so, so, so, so sorry... I
intended to go to the
immigration services, Mrs. I must
extend my IP-33 form.
CAT
IP-33? I love the color of that
form--between yellow
and gray.
ULYSSES
Saffron.
CAT
Yes! That's the word. I see you are
an educated fellow.
I will be glad to help you, Ulysses.
May I know how
long you have been in Civilization?
Ulysses
takes out his
passport and looks at his
visa.
ULYSSES
Five months, mom.
CAT
That's a long time. Out there you see
thousands of guys
who would like to come to
Civilization--even for a day.
Our government is extremely kind to
allow fellows from
laid-back rain-forest countries to
study at our
universities. Bear in mind that most
of them return
home after three months of
geographical pleasure. You
are the bearer of an exceptional
privilege.
ULYSSES
Thanks. But my visa will expire in
two weeks.
Lady Cat snatches the visa from his
hands.
CAT
I'm not surprised.
ULYSSES
Aren't you?
CAT
You don't need to go to the
Immigration Office.
Instead, you should make an
appointment with your
responsible officer.
ULYSSES
I haven't had the opportunity to meet
him yet.
(upset)
But, to be sincere with you, I don't
want to deal with
him.
CAT
Don't you? May I know why?
ULYSSES
Well...
(whispering)
May I tell you a secret?
CAT
Please...
ULYSSES
Some aliens told me they are all
sex-addicts...
CAT
That's ludicrous. I'm your
responsible officer, as a
matter of fact, and I know how to
have a grip of
myself. I just whitened my teeth.
ULYSSES
That's what I told them. But they
also told me all of
of you are but ex-mercenaries.
CAT
They may gossip I blew up a couple of
wrong embassies,
but I was acquitted. Two emigrants
were blamed instead.
ULYSSES
I
trust you, Lady Cat!
CAT
I'm glad to hear you saying that.
Civilization pays me
well just to take care of fellows
like you, Ulysses.
ULYSSES
I really appreciate it. I mean, what
I said was merely
a joke--not mine, of course, but of
those, those,
those...
CAT
You, aliens, have a strange sense of
humor. Never mind.
Let's look at your form, and see who
signed it for
sponsorship.
Ulysses takes out his wallet and
hands out a
document to Lady Cat.
CAT
(continuing)
Your sponsor handles your extension
request. Even
permission to bring your relatives to
Civilization!
Certain conditions apply.
ULYSSES
(nervous)
A sponsor is a sponsor...
CAT
That's correct! I see your sponsor is
a businessman who
donates rusty armament to your
country, so that your
neighboring states feel obliged to
buy us more
sophisticated weapons.
ULYSSES
I think you are wrong. My sponsor is
my Mother.
CAT
(pause, disgusted)
Is she? Documents!
She points out to his wallet.
ULYSSES
That's my wallet. Perhaps you are
violating my privacy,
Lady Cat.
CAT
Play once more the fool with me and I
will issue a
D-666 deportation form.
Ulysses takes out his wallet and
hands it to Lady
Cat. She checks it.
CAT
(continuing)
What a lovely picture. A young
attractive woman. Is she
your wife?
ULYSSES
My Mother.
CAT
Good answer. I was testing you.
ULYSSES
Thanks.
Lady Cat studies the letter.
CAT
You must present a new offer letter
from whichever
University invited you to study in
Civilization.
ULYSSES
Here I have it.
Ulysses hands her a letter, which he
takes from
his pocket.
CAT
(reading)
I'm impressed.
ULYSSES
They
want me to be
part of Civilization, Lady Cat.
CAT
Sure they want. May I see your bank
account statement,
please?
Ulysses hands out a sheet from his
pocket.
ULYSSES
It
proves I have
enough funds to continue living here,
doesn't it?
CAT
May I ask you a question?
ULYSSES
Please.
CAT
How long do you intend to stay in our
country?
Lady Cat returns him the documents.
ULYSSES
To be frank with you, all my life.
CAT
You are bold!
ULYSSES
Please, understand my situation.
CAT
What do you intend to do in life?
ULYSSES
I have always longed to be tycoon.
CAT
You?
ULYSSES
Since I was a kid. I want to have
limousines and sport
cars.
I shall owe a
house in the beach, another in the
mountains, and nine penthouses--one
in each of the main
capitals of the world: New York, LA,
London, Amsterdam,
Barcelona, Paris, Vienna, Rome,
Tokyo.
CAT
So, you don't deny it! You came here
just to make
money!
ULYSSES
I...
CAT
That's disgusting.
ULYSSES
But...
CAT
You
won't stay here
for long. Permissions to extend
visas are up to three years to the
utmost. I can see
you have been misguided by the digits
of our treasure.
ULYSSES
My ancestors were misguided into the
rain forest by  a
treasure as well.
CAT
Did they?
ULYSSES
Five hundred years ago your Queen,
Lady Mare the third,
sent an entire Happy Fleet to search
oil somewhere in
the jungle.
CAT
What are you talking about?
ULYSSES
Though I'm not sure whether it was
oil, gold or red
chili peppers.
CAT
You better go to the gym. I want to
see you in shape
next week.
Lady Cat exits. Lord HYENA, a man in
his late
sixties, enters. He wears a black
suit  and white
gloves.
HYENA
Did you finish your canvas?
ULYSSES
Here you are!
Ulysses takes off the blanket from
the canvas,
unveiling a pink and violet flat
surface.
ULYSSES
It only requires my signature!
HYENA
But, by God!
ULYSSES
Its conceptualization was not as easy
as you may think,
believe me. For weeks I tried all
kinds of shapes and
colors, multidimensional and
holographic, in order to
express the vividness, the freshness
of...
HYENA
And I already paid you one hundred
nobles!
ULYSSES
I call it "Horses trotting on a
prairie"
HYENA
I know! That what it was supposed to
be!
ULYSSES
Don't you like it? It's an
abstraction. I'm a modern
artist, and you could see that...
HYENA
You'll pay for this! I swear it!
You'll pay for this!
Lord Hyena exits. Ulysses returns to
the canvas
and covers it with the blanket. Then
he laughs.
MOTHER, a 70-year old businesswoman
enters. She
handles a stick. Ulysses wears on
hastily his
clothes.
MOTHER
What are you doing, Ulysses?
ULYSSES
I am studying.
MOTHER
Did you just wake up?
ULYSSES
It's twenty past noon.
MOTHER
Have you gotten any job?
ULYSSES
Not yet.
(pause)
But
I will.
(pause)
I haven't received my monthly
stipend, Mother.
MOTHER
I was told you are living with an
atheist.
ULYSSES
Her name is Rosa.
MOTHER
Rosa? That's a rain forest name.
Couldn't you get
something better?
ULYSSES
Better?
MOTHER
A girl with a Civilization name.
ULYSSES
I don't know too many.
MOTHER
We hear about them all the time: Lady
D., Melanie,
Britney.
ULYSSES
Rosa was born in Civilization. Her
parents, her
siblings and her previous lovers are
Civilization
nationals as well.
MOTHER
Her previous lovers?
ULYSSES
Platonic lovers. She's still virgin.
MOTHER
Very impressive. Does she have a job?
ULYSSES
Not really...
MOTHER
What does she make for a living?
ULYSSES
She got a tuition grant from
Civilization.
MOTHER
Why haven't you got any?
ULYSSES
They
are
for nationals only.
MOTHER
I have decided to take care of your
investments,
Ulysses.
ULYSSES
But, why?
MOTHER
Climaco will graduate in two months.
His party will
cost us fifty thousand nobles. Yes,
fifty thousand. We
must reduce expenses. From now on you
will have to
provide for yourself.
ULYSSES
But I can't work!
MOTHER
Your inheritance won't feed you all
your life, Ulysses.
Need is the school of life. Poverty,
the path of
resourcefulness; suffering, of
manhood.
ULYSSES
At least three hundred nobles,
Mother!
MOTHER
(continuing)
Alexito got a job two weeks after his
arrival to
Civilization. He has a car, a
glamorous wife and a
family that loves him.
ULYSSES
Alexito came to Civilization twenty
years ago. I
haven't accomplished my fifth month
yet.
MOTHER
Didn't you just tell me that you had
a job?
ULYSSES
No, I didn't. Nobody hires me. I'm a
rain forest alien.
MOTHER
That's because you are looking for a
bureaucratic
position. You should start with a
decent job. To clean
toilettes is an outrageous
humiliation in the rain
forest,
but
that very job is a gratifying experience in
Civilization.
ULYSSES
Two hundred nobles!
MOTHER
Alexito started as a chef assistant.
Today he is the
main waiter of an aristocratic hotel
restaurant where
he has had the opportunity to serve
Lord Hippo and Lord
Condor. According to his experience,
the farts of the
Queen are truly unique. Of course,
Alexito studied
chemistry.
But
he prefers to work in a restaurant. His
experience proves there is not
discrimination in
Civilization. You can get a well-paid
cleaning job at
once--just as Alexito did.
ULYSSES
As Alexito? He waits all day on the
street, just to
feed on garbage!
MOTHER
Don't be jealous! To beg is not a
crime. He even has a
house.
ULYSSES
In a housing project.
MOTHER
(stern)
How can you question the hospitality
of Civilization?
You are full of rain forest
resentment. I won't alter
my decision.
ULYSSES
Fifty nobles.
MOTHER
All right. But you should sign a
document authorizing
me to manage your inheritance.
ULYSSES
But, what?
MOTHER
You may deliver pizza from door to
door, for
instance--as in the movies.
ULYSSES
That
would be illegal.
MOTHER
Illegal! Is that another name for
laziness? Life
requires sacrifice, Ulysses. Now
listen to me. Go to
the nearest Italian pizza shop and
get a delivery job!
ULYSSES
I can't do it. I want to be clean.
MOTHER
Then ask to that girl you have--
Edelminda--to marry
you.
The light casts over Rosa, who,
seated on the
floor, lies on the sofa. She, wearing
a night
gown, watches TV. Ulysses sits down
and holds her
hand.
ULYSSES
Rosa.
ROSA
I will go out for the weekend,
Ulysses. My best friend
has asked me to visit him.
ULYSSES
I understand! A lot of fun! I will
study then.
ROSA
Again? That sounds so boring. Why
don't you get a
friend?
ULYSSES
You are my friend.
ROSA
I mean, another.
ULYSSES
I should finish my canvas.
ROSA
How boring. Now I must pack my
luggage.
ULYSSES
Promise me you are not going to see
any man up there.
Rosa laughs.
ULYSSES
(continuing)
Would you marry me?
SAMUEL enters: an athletic man
wearing a climbing
outfit.
Rosa stands up and
kisses him.
ROSA
I am living with a rain forest
fellow.
SAMUEL
I bet he is obsessed with sex. Those
guys start
handling chicks and pigs. What does
he do?
ROSA
He studies arts.
SAMUEL
The next Pollock, right? Did you meet
him at the
university?
ROSA
We share an apartment. I got the best
deal from him.
SAMUEL
Beware of those tramps. They do
everything to get their
residency in Civilization.
ROSA
Let's talk about something serious.
Are you going to
break your own record once again?
SAMUEL
That depends of the money I get. I
already agreed to
jump three hundred feet without a
parachute.
Samuel leaves. Rosa returns to
Ulysses. Ulysses
pours wine into both cups. The Mother
enters. Rosa
drinks.
ULYSSES
Taking on account the privileges an  alien gets
once he
marries a national, you may suspect I
don't love you.
ROSA
I can't marry you.
MOTHER
Won't you be able to get her?
ULYSSES
(to his mother)
Rosa is involved in several
professional projects.
MOTHER
I don't want a useless son. Now go
and talk to the
president of the corporation.
Ulysses stands up to face his mother.
ULYSSES
What corporation?
Rosa, visibly upset, exits.
MOTHER
Whichever. Civilization is full of
them. Call them and
ask them for an interview.
The
mother
exits. LORD EAGLE enters followed by
LORD COW.
EAGLE
Who are you?
ULYSSES
My name is Ulysses Arg├╝ello. I came to Civilization
seven months ago. I have learnt to
speak your language
with a local accent. Love-ly. Do I
get my point across?
Re-mark-a-ble. Is it pretty clear? I
apologize to
promote myself in such a sneaky way.
My previous boss
used to say: "This fellow", that's
me, "works as a
horse". You can rely on me, Sir.
EAGLE
Do I know you?
COW
He insisted to talk to you, Lord
Eagle. He wants to
work as your private loo cleaner.
EAGLE
Does he have any experience?
COW
An impressive record--yes.
ULYSSES
I used to take care of a battalion's
loo in the army,
Sir. Three hundred men popping in and
out day and
night. I can assure you I will turn
your bath into a
shiny nice-looking bowl.
EAGLE
I like this guy. We need people with
initiative.
ULYSSES
Thank you, Sir. You won't regret it.
EAGLE
And he has a good sense of humor!
Ulysses exits laughing.
EAGLE
Does he qualify for the position,
then?
COW
We should request his Civilization
working permit, Sir.
EAGLE
What? That's indecent! You have been
wasting my time,
Lady Cow.
Lord Eagle exits. Ulysses enters
combing his hair
with a comb.
COW
I regret to inform you that the
position as Lord
President's Toilet Cleaner has been
fulfilled. Our
decision was based on our current
needs, and it does
not represent, by any means, your
personal
qualifications as a candidate. We
suggest you to keep
in touch with our office for further
job positions. Our
best wishes on your professional
career.
Lord Cow and Ulysses exit by opposite
directions.
Darkness. Sound of heavy traffic, car
beep and a
broken glass.
Car lights cast over Ulysses, who
lies on the
floor. Lady Cat enters. She looks
around--searching
for
possible witnesses.
CAT
I am afraid I followed you too close.
ULYSSES
I need to go to a hospital.
CAT
Damn! Had you not come to this
country I wouldn't have
hit you! Have you updated all your
documents, Ulysses?
ULYSSES
Sure.
CAT
Even your health insurance?
ULYSSES
Health insurance?
CAT
You must paid a health
insurance--that's the law. That
way tax-payers don't have to be
responsible for your
hospital bills. You will have to pay
only, perhaps, a
small deductible amount. But never
mind, since I was
the one who hit you, I will pay any
deductible fees
from my own pocket.
ULYSSES
(nervous)
Very kind of you, Lady Cat.
Lady Cat holds him in her arms.
ULYSSES
(continuing)
How much would a hospital charge for
taking care of
someone in my condition?
CAT
That depends of your broken bones and
the amount of
time you spend under intensive care.
It may cost you
over ten thousand nobles a day.
ULYSSES
Ten thousand nobles a day!
CAT
Civilization health care is the most
expensive in the
world. Over ten thousand nobles a
day. Yes! And let's
not talk about the X-ray extra-fees.
ULYSSES
Extra-fees?
CAT
So, do you have a health insurance?
ULYSSES
I'm afraid I don't.
CAT
Just what I feared! You have
committed a serious
offense, Ulysses.
Lady Cat drops him. Ulysses falls
flat on the
floor.
ULYSSES
I thought it was not necessary.
CAT
You better go to the bank and get all
the money you
can. We'll go to the Hospital!
Ulysses stands up limping.
ULYSSES
Let's
just
forget what happened.
CAT
I can't leave you here.
ULYSSES
I beg you!
CAT
That would be unfair!
ULYSSES
I entreat you!
CAT
Let me think...
ULYSSES
I beseech you!
CAT
Take out your shirt.
Ulysses takes out his shirt,
discovering a set of
metallic biceps, part of a superhero
costume. Lady
Cat pads them.
CAT
You are not an ugly boy...
ULYSSES
I implore you!
CAT
I will accept your plea, with one
condition.
Lady
Cat kisses
Ulysses on his mouth.
CAT
(continuing)
You will have to visit me on Saint
Valentine's day.
ULYSSES
Sure.
CAT
You are lucky I was the one who hit
you, baby!
They exit by opposite
directions--Ulysses limps.
CLIMACO, a 25-year old hippie wearing
silk
clothes, enters with the mother and
Petronila, a
bald slender girl who wears a yellow
dress. She
carries two baby dolls.
MOTHER
Uh, Dear Petronila. I am so glad to
see you here. Who
are these beautiful babies?
PETRONILA
Your grandchildren.
MOTHER
Really? Uh, thanks.
PETRONILA
I would like you to take care of them
during the
weekend. Climaco and I want to spend
a couple of days
in the mountains.
MOTHER
You are in your right! But these are
your children, not
mine.
PETRONILA
I see you don't love them!
MOTHER
I wish I were in Civilization, where
the elderly are
never
bothered
by the young.
Climaco and Petronila leave the
baby-dolls over
the sofa.
MOTHER
(continuing)
Would you like to drink a beer?
PETRONILA
It's too heavy for my stomach.
MOTHER
A glass of whiskey?
PETRONILA
I dislike whisk.
MOTHER
A cup of champagne? Le Gelet Mort?
PETRONILA
If
you
don't mind.
The Mother picks up the bottle and
serves her a
cup.
CLIMACO
(with a baby voice)
Any news from Ulysses?
MOTHER
Some.
He got into an
accident.
(pause)
But now he is fine.
CLIMACO
He's sleeping on our nobles.
PETRONILA
How so?
CLIMACO
He lives in a luxurious apartment,
just in the center
of Civilization!
MOTHER
I now take care of his inheritance--I
told you.
PETRONILA
Will he come to Climaco's party?
MOTHER
By
no means. He may suspect
we are still well-off.
After all we have four cars, two
trucks, five weekend
houses, six apartments, one farm and
two manufacturing
companies.
CLIMACO
He should be the one taking care of
us. Civilization is
a golden mine. He should be the one
who sends us money.
MOTHER
I would have rather send you to
Civilization. You don't
waste your time in silly activities,
such as painting
portraits that no one buys. But you
failed the
admission tests.
CLIMACO
I blame my sense of honesty. A
professor tried to
black-mail me. Now compare the money
dad left us. I'm
in disadvantage.
PETRONILA
True.
Silence. Sound of a thunder storm.
PETRONILA
(continuing)
Life in the jungle is getting
dangerous. There are too
many revolutions. We may even lose a
farm!
CLIMACO
We are going to emigrate, Mother.
Climaco lights a cigarette.
MOTHER
That's a sound decision.
PETRONILA
Do you think Ulysses will host us?
CLIMACO
Do not even question it, Petronila.
That's his duty.
Mother smells Climaco's clothes.
MOTHER
My husband, after all, invested all
his savings in his
trip.
MOTHER
(continuing)
Are you smoking again, Climaco?
CLIMACO
Only once in a while.
MOTHER
(sobbing,
to Petronila)
He is often depressed. I hope you are
not inducing him
to drugs.
Petronila stands up.
PETRONILA
What did you tell her?
CLIMACO
I
don't hide
secrets to my Mom!
PETRONILA
I hate you!
The mother pours wine in her cup and
drinks,
fixing her gaze on the TV screen.
Climaco sobs.
CLIMACO
You were only interested in my money!
Now that it has
run out you plan to leave me!
PETRONILA
You one once in a lifetime, you got
it right!
Climaco beats Petronila. Petronila
hurts him
badly. Petronila exits. Climaco
fallows her.
We listen to a Piazzola tango.
MOTHER
My good flattering son, you always
rely on my word. I
wasn't as kind to my mother. I loved
dearly, even
though she gave me a hard
time--agonizing for ten
years, day and nigh, in a gray bed.
Now it's time for
us to move to Civilization. Let's ask
Ulysses for a
picture of his bride. I won't accept
to be nursed by an
overweight ugly daughter in law.
She stands up and leaves the stage.
Tango music.
Rosa and Samuel enter as they dance.
Ulysses
enters
by the left
with an old cumbersome camera.
He sets it up.
ROSA
If Ulysses likes to kiss his mother's
ass, that's his
problem. I don't have to justify
myself! She doesn't
deserve
a
picture of me! There is nothing I hate as
much as to smile in front of a silly
camera. I already
told him: "I won't do it! You may
insist, but I won't
do it!" We haven't had sex since
then.
Flash.
Rosa
screams. The music is harshly
interrupted.
ROSA
(continuing; hysterical)
Ulysses! You, son of a Cat! I'm
talking to you! How
dare you? (to Samuel) Did you see?
Ulysses did it! He
took that pic without my consent,
Samuel!
Samuel exits. Rosa approaches
Ulysses. She slaps
him and embraces him.
ROSA
(continuing)
¡You are the only one I
have!
Mother's laugh is heard.
Rosa kisses Ulysses.
The Mother enters carrying a piece of
broken
glass.
MOTHER
(V.O.)
I was longing for a silver-hair son
when Ulysses came
into the world: a reddish ball nobody
was able to
clean. I washed him in bleach for a
week, till he
bleed. Then I said to myself: a
red-face fellow can
also make it.
Ulysses and Rosa eat pop-corn in
front of the TV
screen.
MOTHER
(V.O.)
Years Later he told me "Mom, I want
to study Art".
"Art?", I asked him, "how in the
world are you going to
pay the bills? He didn't listen to
me, and there he is,
begging for money.
Climaco enters. Ulysses and Rosa look
at them.
CLIMACO
(to the audience, smiling)
Our business is to sell glass.
Ulysses is ashamed of
the art of gain, but without glass he
wouldn't had
studied at Civilization. It was not
knowledge, but
cunning, which brought prosperity to
our home. I always
knew Ulysses was just another loser.
I can't deliver
glass to any place around the world.
Climaco exits. Sound of wind.
ROSA
I am too bored. I am leaving.
ULYSSES
Would you mind if I go with you?
She doesn't move. Ulysses takes out
the gun from
the sofa.
ROSA
There is a blizzard out there.
ULYSSES
It's the storm of the century.
ROSA
Bullshit. Stop playing with that gun.
ULYSSES
Why did you buy it?
ROSA
I
already
told you!
(pause)
Did you send that pic to your mother?
ULYSSES
She likes you!
Rosa stands up in anger.
ROSA
Am I supposed to believe you? I'm fed
up of your
mother! You are pathetic! You do
everything she says.
What a bitch! If I were you I just
send her to hell!
ULYSSES
I could hurt her.
ROSA
So what? Maybe then she will learn to
appreciate you a
little bit!
ULYSSES
She created me.
ROSA
Created you? How many times I should
tell you? We are
just shit! You better get a job!
She exits.
ULYSSES
Rosa!
Ulysses hides the gun and stands up.
He walks around the sofa.
LORD PIG, a 40-year old man, enters.
He pushes a
wheel chair, where LORD FOX, a
teenager actor who
wears a swimming suit, sucks a
gigantic lollipop.
He also handles a a lap computer.
Lord Pig wears hat and raincoat. One
of his
fingers bears a heavy ring with a
ruby.
Ulysses kneels down in front of Lord
Pig and
kisses his ring.
PIG
I asked the candidates to cross
Civilization from coast
to
coast
as a token of their loyalty. But this is the
only one who came. Was I too
eccentric, perhaps?
ULYSSES
I'd say you were rather keen, sound,
lucid, sane,
smart, and overall, commonsensical...
PIG
Very good answer!
ULYSSES
Rational, wise, judicious, shrewd,
astute, prudent,
careful, gentle!
PIG
Enough! Thanks!
ULYSSES
I'm at your service, Lord Pig.
FOX
Nobody else came to the convention,
Doc.
Lord Pig runs to the right corner of
the stage. He
peruses the audience. He runs to the
left corner
of
the stage. He peruses
the sky. He returns.
PIG
This fellow will do for all of them.
FOX
But according to this form, we must
interview no less
than twenty seven candidates.
PIG
You will write, then, any twenty six
names, Lord
Fox--wouldn't you?
FOX
You are so, so cleaver!
ULYSSES
So honest!
Lord Pig and Lord Fox stare at
Ulysses, who
feeling uncomfortable, steps back.
They turn their
backs to Ulysses.
PIG
How innocent.
FOX
How credulous.
They turn around.
Lord
Fox
types on his computer.
PIG
Where are you from?
ULYSSES
I am from the rain forest.
PIG
Did you hear, Foxy? ¡What a grammar! He
divides the
personal pronoun from the ontological
verb. Are you
from the jungle then?
ULYSSES
That's correct.
PIG
Are you planning to return to the
jungle later on?
ULYSSES
Over my dead body.
PIG
I appreciate your sincerity. We need
trusty fellows,
guys able to work under extreme
conditions of
salubrity.
ULYSSES
I'm
a
survivor.
PIG
I'm listening.
ULYSSES
Every fifteen minutes a man, woman or
child is murdered
in my country.
FOX
Congratulations!
PIG
Do you speak any other language
besides the civilized
one?
ULYSSES
Seven Chibcha dialects.
PIG
Chibcha?
ULYSSES
From a remote civilization that
flourish...
PIG
Enough. Do you cook?
ULYSSES
I would be delighted.
PIG
You are hired, then. Foxy, please,
hand out the
contract to this cook assistant; to
this courageous
survivor of the tropical rain-forest,
and then meet me
on the beach.
Lord Fox stands up and passes a sheet
and a pen to
Ulysses.
Ulysses studies the sheet. Waltz
tune. Lord Fox
drops his body on the foreground and
drags his
body, as swimming. Lord Pig takes his
coat off,
uncovering a swimming suit. After
some hesitation
he jumps into these imaginary waters.
During the
next conversation, Lord Fox and Lord
Pig will
stage a choreography.
ULYSSES
How many nobles will I earn?
PIG
Five hundred per month.
ULYSSES
Isn't it too low?
PIG
Better than nothing.
ULYSSES
I understand! How many hours will I
work?
FOX
Sixty four per week.
ULYSSES
Isn't it a heavy load?
PIG
Do you want to work?
ULYSSES
Sure! May I know my working hours?
PIG
From six in the morning until
midnight.
ULYSSES
(laughing)
Seriously.
FOX
Seriously.
ULYSSES
I see! I accept.
FOX
(to Lord Pig)
You  didn't asked him to be
in charge of my barn! And
what about cocaine?
PIG
No need to mention it. Once he signs,
he will have to
do it.
Lord Pig and Lord Fox exit. Mother
and Climaco
cross the stage.
ULYSSES
I got a job, Mother!
MOTHER
Doing what?
ULYSSES
I will be a cook.
MOTHER
Couldn't you be the president of a
company?
ULYSSES
No, mother.
MOTHER
Have you applied to GM?
ULYSSES
No, Mother.
MOTHER
What are you waiting for?
Ulysses exits.
CLIMACO
(to the mother, laughing)
Do you remember Victor? The employee
who cut his wrist
with a broken piece of glass?
MOTHER
The crook who sued us.
CLIMACO
He is now our new mayor!
MOTHER
(almost passing out)
O, dear!
CLIMACO
I must travel, Mom! I must travel!
MOTHER
Don't forget to correct Your
brother's sentimental
life.
They exit. Lights dim off.
The background projects the surreal
shadows of a
tree.
Ulysses and Rosa lie in bed.
ROSA
I already told you--I can't.
ULYSSES
What do you want then?
ROSA
I'm very young. I have some doubts.
ULYSSES
And what about next year? Are we
going to go on
together?
ROSA
I don't know. Maybe I won't love you;
maybe you won't
love me.
ULYSSES
(After a silence)
You are right. I've been a fool,
Rosa.
ROSA
That's love.
ULYSSES
Thanks to let me know.
ROSA
I'm Lady Bitch. Don't forget it.
(pause)
ULYSSES
Yes. You warned me. Still, I though
you like me.
ROSA
You just wanted to be loved.
ULYSSES
I know. How selfish love is. Just
like you and me.
ROSA
Don't I make you happy?
ULYSSES
I
already told you. I feel
insecure.
(pause)
I'd like to think I've buried my past
for you. But that
would be a lie.
(pause)
As to believe that I'm happy now, as
to believe in this
very day, as to believe in you, as to
believe in my
memories and myself.
(pause)
My major torture is my future. But,
anyway, I live--I
survive.
He smiles.
ULYSSES
(continuing)
For now.
(pause)
If I'm suffering it is because I
chose it.
ROSA
(tender)
I didn't mean I don't love you,
Ulysses.
Ulysses rests his head on Rosa's
breasts.
ROSA
(continuing)
You feel powerless, as every man I
know.
Ulysses withdraws.
ULYSSES
Why do you have to compare me with
him?
ROSA
With who?
ULYSSES
Whoever.
ROSA
Do you want me as your bride or not?
ULYSSES
Yes!
ROSA
You are so naive, Ulysses. There you
are, offended once
again. I'm with you not to make you
suffer.
ULYSSES
I feel you so far away.
ROSA
I
hope you
won't be offended, Honey, but your accent is
getting worse.
Knocks on the door. Ulysses comes out
and returns
followed by Lord Lion.
LION
We apologize for the confusion. Sir.
I understood 0001.
Now I am confident your identity
number is 0000.
ULYSSES
I was worried, believe me.
LION
A digit can alter the fate of an
entire nation, Sir.
What
can
the FIRST EMIGRANT UNION CORPORATION do for
you today?
ULYSSES
I was erroneously charged thirty
nobles on my last
statement.
Lord Lion checks his computer.
LION
You are right, Sir. Your payment was
received on Monday
the fourth. Your due date was on the
first of June.
Unfortunately you made your payment
too late.
ULYSSES
If you count weekend days, yes, three
days. But only
one working day.
LION
We are so sorry, sir.
ULYSSES
What surprises me the most, it's that
I mailed my
payment on the tenth of May. You must
have received it
one week after. You can check the
posting date on the
envelope.
LION
I'm afraid our computers don't take
it on to account.
ULYSSES
But that's unfair!
LION
Our computer system is too stern on
this matter. It
does not allow us to change your
credit balance.
ULYSSES
Last month I was overcharged as well.
LION
You are most correct, Mr. Arguello.
You sent your
payment too soon. It was received on
May the sixth.
Unfortunately it was due on the
seventh. You paid a day
too early.
ULYSSES
I mailed it to your company on the
fifth! You must have
received it on the tenth at
least--not the day after!
LION
If you want to sue us, Sir, we can
lend you money to
hire a Ape.
ULYSSES
I can't get more into debt.
LION
May I do something else for you, Sir?
ULYSSES
What would you do if I cannot pay off
my debts?
Lord Lion looks haughty at Ulysses.
ULYSSES
(continuing)
It may happen.
LION
I understand. Do you smoke?
ULYSSES
No.
LION
Do you drink?
ULYSSES
No.
LION
Do you have sex with more than two
mates?
ULYSSES
No that I know.
LION
Then we recommend you to sell one of
your kidneys in