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Al Qaeda's
Weding Room
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FADE IN: EXT. EUROPEAN CITY--UNIVERSITY PARKING LOT. DAY Couples of students walk away from the parking lot--some of them kiss and hold each other's hands. Fatimah, a 21-year old dark-skin, half-Pakistani,half-Scottish voluptuous girl, parks her car. Fatimah gets out from her car and meets Professor Joyo, a brown-eye man in shape with a crown of white hair over his bald head. PROFESSOR JOYO Will you marry me, then, Fatimah? FATIMAH I'd rather pass the test, Muhammad. Fatimah starts ahead. Professor Joyos follows her. PROFESSOR JOYO What about all the presents I've given you? They amount about ten thousand pounds! FATIMAH We just don't get along, Professor Joyo. PROFESSOR JOYO You get along with Yalda, don't you FATIMAH I don't want to share my husband with another woman! PROFESSOR JOYO I can stay with her while you finish your studies in the US! And I guaranteed you the best G.P.A to get you into a graduate school. FATIMAH Only if I marry you. Isn't that what you call sexual harassment? PROFESSOR JOYO (smiling) The proof of the pudding is in the eating. Professor Joyo blocks her way. PROFESSOR JOYO I can also give a hand to your friends. They need it! FATIMAH You are on my way, Professor. PROFESSOR JOYO Come to my place tomorrow. We can grade your exam together... She sighs and leaves. PROFESSOR JOYO (continuing; from the background) Tomorrow! At nine in the evening! CUT TO: INT. UNIVERSITY SCHOOL ROOM. DAY ANNIE (O.S.) Sean! SEAN, a 20-year old blonde muscle guy, takes out a gum from his mouth and sticks it onto a wall. He holds ANNIE in his arms, a 21-year old bimbo. SEAN (disgusted) You know I hate cherry. ANNIE Don't be a moron! I couldn't find another flavor. Sean kisses her. They are in the corner of a school room, besides the back door. The door is slightly open. Annie faces the alley, so she can look out as she kisses Sean. People walk on the alley without noticing her. About twenty students hang around--some of them read, some of them look out through the window, some others write. Two women and a man stare at Sean and Annie. WOMAN 1 I saw her leaving Professor's Bay apartment this morning! WOMAN 2 Those Pakis are everywhere. Fatimah walks along the alley. Annie pushes Sean away from her. ANNIE There comes that nerd again. Fatimah gets into the school room by the main door. Sean turns around, opens his arms, walks over the room and embraces Fatimah. SEAN Fatimah! We were just talking about you! FATIMAH Uh! I was just thinking about you both, guys! What are you doing tomorrow evening? SEAN We don't know yet, I think. FATIMAH Perhaps you can come to my house to have a drink. We can play cards, or something, you know... Annie approaches them. SEAN Now, I just remember: Annie must go to visit her mum. Must you not, darling? ANNIE I'm so forgetful! You are not going to leave me alone, Honey! (joking) You make me jealous, Fatimah. Sean just talk about you day and night. I think he has a crush on you. Fatimah blushes. Annie stares at Sean with complicity. Sean embraces Fatimah. SEAN Why don't you help us with the written exam today? ANNIE Oh, yes! Stay close to us, Fatimah. This test gives me the creeps. WOMAN 1 Are you going to cheat on her? ANNIE Shut up you, fucking little piece of shit! WOMAN 1 (to Fatimah) I warn you. SEAN (imitating) I warn you! Why don't you mind your own business, bitch! Professor Joyo enters. He looks at Annie. Annie smiles to him. CUT TO: INT. UNIVERSITY SCHOOL ROOM. DAY Students write on their test. Professor Joyo looks out through the window and then back to his students. Fatimah writes concentrated on her sheet. Annie, to her side, peeks on her test. Sean, seated behind Fatimah, half-covers his mouth. SEAN (whispering) Question three B. Three B. Fatimah doesn't reply. Sean looks at Annie. Annie looks at Professor Joyo. Professor Joyo nods his head and looks at Fatimah. Annie snatches the sheet from Fatimah's desk. Annie hands it out to Sean. Fatimah turns around. FATIMAH (whispering and laughing) Give it back to me! Sean copies Fatimah's answers. SEAN Would you marry me? FATIMAH (blushed) Do you...? SEAN I love your boobs! Annie giggles. Professor Joyo looks at her. Fatimah writes on a new sheet. Sean copies the answers. Woman 1 looks back at Fatimah. Sean hands out Fatimah's test to Annie. Annie copies it. Fatimah turns around. FATIMAH (to Sean; whispering) Where is my test? SEAN (whispering) Ask Annie. Annie squeezes Fatimah's test into a ball of paper and throws it towards Professor Joyo. Sean laughs. Fatimah stands up to catch it. The ball of paper hits Professor Joyo on his head. PROFESSOR JOYO (standing up) Enough! Fatimah looks at him in horror. Sean and Annie giggle. Professor Joyo looks at them, who, all of a sudden, write on their papers. Professor Joyo picks up the ball of paper from the floor. FATIMAH I really apologize, Professor. I just finished and... PROFESSOR JOYO Will you tell me you three were not cheating on me? Annie! Sean! Fatimah! Fatimah looks at his friends, who struggle to conceal their giggles. CUT TO: INT. PROFESSOR JOYO'S LIVING ROOM. NIGHT Fatimah dines with Majhmut, her stepfather, a 65-year small clean-shaved overweight old man. MAJHMUT(V.O.) You are the shame of this family! FATIMAH I am not your family! MAJHMUT If your mother were alive she would slap you on your face! By Mohamed! FATIMAH Give me my share of the inheritance and I will leave you! MAJHMUT I'm the one who decides what's the best for you, you little prick! FATIMAH I won't marry you! MAJHMUT Do you have any other option left? All the universities in this country will ban you! FATIMAH I didn't do it. I told you. Two friends asked for help and I... MAJHMUT You are only good at washing dishes, darling. That's why I'd love to you.  FATIMAH I'm your daughter! MAJHMUT My stepdaughter... FATIMAH Unbelievable! I should call the police. MAJHMUT I'm a policeman! Listen! I know what this Professor Joyo is up to. He framed you. FATIMAH (firm) Annie and Sean will be ousted too. MAJHMUT Annie won't allow it! Forget about that whore and her pimp? Just get married! I'm still young. I want to help you! I want you to enjoy your life! Fatimah picks a slice of bread. FATIMAH You just want my money. Give me Mom's inheritance. MAJHMUT Until you marry me, or until I die! The will is very clear! FATIMAH Your mother rewrote it in her deathbed! I don't believe you. Can I get the butter, please? MAJHMUT (calmer) Yasmin will arrive at any moment. FATIMAH I know. You must be happy! MAJHMUT I see Salim has already told you. He's always happy to see you. I wonder why. FATIMAH (quick) He's a faithful husband. MAJHMUT You should thank him. He has very kindly contacted five US Universities on your behalf. Shame on you! How could you cheat? Fatimah picks up the butter. Majhmut snatches it. MAJHMUT (continuing) You must be in shape for your wedding, Fatimah. Fatimah snatches the butter from her stepfather. He pulls it back. It jumps over his face. CUT TO: EXT. IN FRONT OF MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. NIGHT A taxi parks on the street. Salim, a 68-year old tall fellow comes out and opens a door. Yasmin, a 50-year old woman steps out. She wears a giant hat. SALIM Are you sure we have arrived to the right place? YASMIN Have you taken your Alzheimer pills, darling? Fatimah comes out of the house. Majhmut follows her. MAJHMUT And you haven't taken care of the laundry yet! Come back and clean your mess...! Majhmut recognizes them. Fatimah runs away. YASMIN (to Salim) Isn't he a charming man? Taking care of his house, just for us. Majhmut sweeps his buttery face with his hands. Yasmin embraces Majhmut. Salim nods his head. SALIM Asalaam Alaykum. Majhmut nods his head. SALIM I think you need to wash your face... CUT TO: EXT. IN FRONT OF PROFESSOR JOYO'S HOUSE. NIGHT. House in front of river. Fatimah knocks over a heavy door. Attached to the door, she discovers the statue of a devil figure, who seems to stare at her. The door opens. Rock music is heard. Professor Joyo comes out smiling and drunk. He wears a bathrobe and a swimming suit. PROFESSOR JOYO Fatimah! I... I'm expecting you tomorrow! FATIMAH What I have to tell you won't take too long, Professor. PROFESSOR JOYO I'm in the middle of a class... He tries to close the door. Fatimah holds it. FATIMAH I accept. PROFESSOR JOYO What? FATIMAH You've won. I'll marry you. ANNIE (O.S.) Is everything all right, Professor? PROFESSOR JOYO Yes... everything is fine. I'm so... Happy! Fatimah looks dazzled. PROFESSOR JOYO (continuing) Never mind. We'll celebrate.. tomorrow. Annie comes out with two other girls--they wear bikinis. ANNIE Fatimah! Aren't you going to join the party? FATIMAH Well! What are you doing here? ANNIE Professor Joyo understood I was not cheating at all. Sean comes out, wet and wearing a swiming suit SEAN Why did you leave the pool? The guys are waiting! ANNIE Fatimah is here. PROFESSOR JOYO (apologetic) Do you play water polo? Visibly puzzled, Fatimah bangs the door. CUT TO: INT. MAJHMUT'S LIVING ROOM. NIGHT Yasmin and Majhmut, seated on the same sofa, drink Oporto wine. YASMIN To be famous in the States is a common thing. One day, walking on the street, Danny de Vito approached me. He almost got into my boobs. Can you believe it? I thought I was going to suffer a heart attack! MAJHMUT Were people amazed? I mean, did they come to ask him for an autograph? Salim stands up on the background, by the window. He moves pieces over a chess board. YASMIN By no means! People just went on without even taking notice of him! MAJHMUT They must be tired to see so many stars! YASMIN You see them everywhere! In England he wouldn't have passed unnoticed, of course. MAJHMUT (lusty, whispering) Is Salim going out for a stroll tonight? Salim looks out through the window. He notices Fatimah, who, lying on a bench across the street, looks at the sky. YASMIN (V.O.) Salim? He will spend hours in front of that chess board--like an autistic child. He is retired, anyway. (sassy) And so boring--he knows it. MAJHMUT (whispering) You must be fed up. YASMIN (suspire) C'est ma vie. (whispering) That's why I came. I have some business in mind. For you and me. Yasmin introduces her hand into Majhmut's chest. Salim approaches. YASMIN (continuing; loud) Is it scratchy up here, too, Majhmut? MAJHMUT A little bit lower. YASMIN (to Salim) Where are you going, Darling? SALIM Just for a stroll. YASMIN But... How long will it take? SALIM About fifteen minutes. YASMIN All right... I'm gonna miss you baby. MAJHMUT There! Perfect! Salim puts on his jacket. CUT TO: EXT. BENCH IN FRONT OF MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. NIGHT Fatimah looks at the full moon on the sky. SALIM (O.S.) This is for you, Fatimah. He gives a white envelope to Fatimah. She gets it and looks dazzled at Salim. SALIM May I? Fatimah nods her head. Salim sits on the bench. FATIMAH Thanks. SALIM Won't you open it? FATIMAH What happened between we both is over. SALIM Perseverance is a virtue. (pause) It has nothing to do with us. FATIMAH How is that every middle-age man I know falls in love with me? SALIM Because you are the smartest girl they have ever met. And... FATIMAH Yes? SALIM ... you also have great boobs. FATIMAH Shut up! SALIM I'm not lying. FATIMAH You are the only man who gives me credit for what I do. Perhaps I should just accept I won't ever marry a man of my age! SALIM Did Professor Joyo finally proposed you? FATIMAH Yes. SALIM Sure you didn't... Did you? FATIMAH And Majhmut. SALIM Majhmut? FATIMAH I knew his intentions since the day I met him. I'm sure he altered Mum's will! (beat) I should just forget about them. I had made up my mind never to become and opera singer. So... Insha'allah! I studied business administration, and now, I can't study at all! I will get a job as a cashier... SALIM You don't have to be here Fatimah. Fatimah opens the letter. FATIMAH (impatient) What happened between we both was wrong. (pause) I'm glad you didn't tell my aunt. SALIM Do you regret what happened? FATIMAH Yes, I do. SALIM But you seemed so happy. I know you loved me! FATIMAH What about Yasmin? SALIM She has a crush on your father. FATIMAH That doesn't excuse us! Fatimah reads the letter. SALIM I just found out she's a member of Al Qaeda. FATIMAH This is from Temple University! Fatimah looks smiling at Salim. FATIMAH Thanks Salim... SALIM I'm going to divorce her. Fatimah looks at him. Salim stands up and takes her in his hands. SALIM Then we'll get married. FATIMAH I... I have something for you too. Fatimah takes out a gold medal from her purse. FATIMAH I want you to keep this medal. Fatimah hands it out to Salim. SALIM It's beautiful... Salim keeps the medal in the pocket of his shirt. Salim kisses Fatimah. She kisses him. Salim lifts her in his arms. They laugh. Salim's facial expression turns into pain. He can't bear Fatimah's weight. He half-faints. He stumbles. They fall on the ground, rolling onto the middle of the street. A police car stops in front of them. Siren lights. YASMIN (O.S.) Salim! Salim pushes Fatimah away. SALIM Yes, darling? Majhmut and Yasmin look at them from the front door of Majhmut's house. MAJHMUT What the hell is going on between you both? YASMIN I never thought you were going to... A police car stops in front of them. POLICEMAN 1 gets off his car. POLICEMAN 1 (to Fatimah) Are you O.K., Mrs? Fatimah stands up. FATIMAH Better than ever, officer! POLICEMAN 1 And you, Sir? Salim lies on the floor. He has fainted. FATIMAH Salim? POLICEMAN 1 Sir? YASMIN Darling! MAJHMUT He's in coma! POLICEMAN 1 (to his radio) An ambulance to 24 Byron Street! CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM. NIGHT Fatimah looks nervously to a BABY, who plays with a ball in front of her. Majhmut and Yasmin are seated at the opposite side of the room. YASMIN (whispering) I may get three hundred thousand bucks out of this. MAJHMUT Couldn't you buy him a better insurance? YASMIN He was so cheap. A nurse approaches Fatimah. YASMIN (continuing) Do you like boxing? MAJHMUT Yeah. You mean, in TV? The nurse and Fatimah approach Majhmut and Yasmin. YASMIN Here comes that nigger again. FATIMAH What did you say you, bitch? YASMIN (sobbing) And she is my niece. NURSE Are you Mr. Bhil's wife? Yasmin sobs and nods positively. NURSE (continuing) Your husband has survived. YASMIN Are you sure? Yasmin takes her head in her hands. NURSE He was in coma, but... Are you all right? Fatimah looks at Yasmin, who screams and faints over Majhmut's shoulder, falling onto the floor. CUT TO: INT. BOXING COURT. DAY A multitude surrounds a gigantic boxing court. They scream as two men fight ferociously. One of them is Sean. Yasmin, wearing a bandage over her head, and Majhmut, sit down in the first row. MAJHMUT How did you meet this guy? YASMIN By internet. Majhmut looks at Sean, who hits furiously his RIVAL. Annie screams at him from the first row. MAJHMUT Yeah! YASMIN He and his girlfriend will do EVERYTHING to be Al Qaeda members. ANNIE Sean! Sean looks at her and smiles. The Rival hits him on his face. Sean falls knocked out on the floor. CUT TO: INT. MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. DAY Salim serves breakfast to Fatimah. SALIM I just called to the hospital. They haven't heard of Yasmin and Majhmut. FATIMAH Did you check the motels? A bell is heard. Fatimah opens the door. FATIMAH (angry) I already told you! I'm done with you, professor! Professor Joyo steps in. He sizes Fatimah's arms. PROFESSOR JOYO I doesn't matter. You have approved the course, Fatimah! Joyo kisses Fatimah on her mouth. Fatimah slaps him on his face. He looks dazzled at her. After checking the room he fixes his gaze on Salim. He approaches Salim. PROFESSOR JOYO (continuing; nervous) It wasn't sexual harassment. You saw that she jumped on me and... Well, I regret to inform you that your daughter has been expelled from our Academic Institution. On this envelope you will find the reasons of her dismissal. Professor Joyo delivers a white envelope to Salim. SALIM Is that it? PROFESSOR JOYO Yes! SALIM You can leave us now, then, "professor". PROFESSOR JOYO But... I mean. Don't you want to discuss this matter with me? Are you aware that... For God's sake! Your daughter's future is at the stake! I can help her! SALIM How so? PROFESSOR JOYO I want to marry her. SALIM (laughing) First, Fatimah is my fiance, Sir. Second, you better run before I smash your head. PROFESSOR JOYO I don't understand. (to Fatimah) Would you despise me for this old fart? SALIM (furious) Say that again! PROFESSOR JOYO Fuck you! Salim hits him. Professor Joyo fells on the floor. He stands up and runs away in horror to the second floor, followed closely by Salim. He attempts to hide into a closet. PROFESSOR JOYO Help! This man is gonna kill me! Yasmin steps in. YASMIN What's going on here? Salim! Aren't you supposed to be at the hospital! Professor Joyo escapes. PROFESSOR JOYO This man! (he points out to Salim) He's mad! SALIM Get the hell out of here, you moron! Salim advances towards him. Professor Joyo jumps out of an open window. PROFESSOR JOYO Help! CUT TO: EXT. BACK WALL OF MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. DAY Professor Joyo's body trembles on the frame of the window-- there is a gap of five meters between the window and the ground. Beneath, Majhmut approaches raising his arms. MAJHMUT I'll get you! PROFESSOR JOYO Help! BACK TO SCENE: INT. PROFESSOR JOYO'S HOUSE. DAY Salim and Yasmin run to grasp Professor Joyo's hands. They mingle their hands and Professor Joyo falls down. PROFESSOR JOYO Ah! CUT TO: EXT. BACK WALL OF PROFESSOR JOYO'S HOUSE. DAY Open-eyes Majhmut lies on the floor. Professor Joyo stands up unscathed. PROFESSOR JOYO I'm just fine! Thanks man! I... Professor Joyo looks at Majhmut's still face. He bends down and touches his neck. PROFESSOR JOYO You are... You... Professor Joyo looks up to the upper window of Majhmut's house, from where Salim and Yasmin look down at him. PROFESSOR JOYO He's dead! CUT TO: EXT. CEMENTERY. DAY It rains. Wearing a black outfit, Fatimah stands up accompanied by Salim, who holds an XXL umbrella. She looks at a DIGGER, who throws earth over a ditch. Groups of people move away. SALIM Now there is no reason for you to stay here. FATIMAH (crying) He wanted to marry me! She turns around and meets Sean and Annie. Sean opens his arms. SEAN Fatimah! ANNIE My dearest friend! FATIMAH Keep your compliments for Professor Joyo. SEAN Huh? ANNIE We heard you are moving to the States. Is that right? Fatimah doesn't react. ANNIE (continuing) Well. That's fabulous! We just wanted to say bye bye to you. I know we owe you an apology. FATIMAH So long. Fatimah walks away. Salim follow her. Annie and Sean follow them. ANNIE Aren't you a little bit rude with your friends? FATIMAH All right! They stop. ANNIE You won't keep a grudge against us, will you? Professor Joyo just wants to apologize to you. Come with your mother and dine with us in the Professor's bungalow! FATIMAH My mother? SEAN Yasmin! FATIMAH She is not my mother! ANNIE Whoever! A barbecue by his swimming pool. Come one! He just wants to marry you! Fatimah turns around. FATIMAH Pool? With this weather? They look at Professor Joyo, who from the distance talks to Yasmin under the protection of an umbrella. Fatimah looks suspiciously at them. Finally she embraces Annie. FATIMAH Forgive me. I'm acting as a fool. I'm moving for good and... ANNIE Don't say it!  We have a surprise for you! SEAN We bought tickets to Philadelphia via Bogotá, Colombia! ANNIE Yeah! FATIMAH (worried) You...? Drenched Sean and Annie smile at Fatimah. CUT TO: EXT. UNIVERSITY'S GREEN AREA. DAY Nearby, Yasmin talks to Professor Joyo. YASMIN They wouldn't have believed you. The police dismiss it as an accident.  PROFESSOR JOYO I'm so sorry that your... YASMIN (flirting) I lost a friend, but I found a real man. PROFESSOR JOYO I really appreciate your help. Is there anything I can do for you? YASMIN (pragmatic) Actually, there is... CUT TO: EXT. AIRPORT. DAY An airplane takes flight. CUT TO: INT. AIRPLANE CABIN. DAY Seated besides a window, Fatimah looks at the sky through her window. A PASSENGER sits by her side. Rows ahead, Yasmin and Salim drink cocktails. YASMIN Why is she doing just by herself? It's not very polite of her to take a second-class seat. SALIM I wanted to have a word with you. YASMIN I know, Darling. I also have two eyes. I don't know about that poor Professor who got almost killed. It would have been your fault. Now, what should I think of you and this suspicious idea of bringing that half-breed fatty whore to our house? SALIM She is a cute girl. YASMIN And a gold-digger! SALIM SHe just got her inheritance! Yasmin looks at Salim's chest. There we see the medal Fatimah gave him, hanging from a golden chain. YASMIN Where did you get that from? SALIM Uh! Well, I wanted to tell you. Fatimah gave it to me. YASMIN You are lovers! SALIM I want us to get divorced, Yasmin. YASMIN Salim! She stares at him. He copes with her gaze with determination. YASMIN (continuing) It will cost you, my dear. I'm a faithful wife. Salim hands out a set of pictures to Yasmin. She looks at them--we don't see them. YASMIN (continuing) But.. This is disgusting! Did you hire a detective? You, bastard. SALIM Are you now willing to divorce? YASMIN (sweet) May I keep the Florida house, Darling? FADE OUT: TITLE CARD Philadelphia, USA. Five months later. FADE IN: EXT. CITY HALL. DAY View of City Hall from the Art Museum of Philadelphia. Yasmin stands up on the top of the stairs. Imam OSAMA accompanies her. He is a 55-year old thin man. They look towards the door of the Museum. IMAM OSAMA So, she's the lost believer. YASMIN What a plan! Fatimah walks. She handles a scholar bag. She talks to DIANE, a 30-year old African-American woman. DIANE Does your aunt refer to you as a nigger? Are you sure? FATIMAH I heard that. DIANE That's politically incorrect. You can sue her! You are not even a nigger! And who is that guy? FATIMAH She spends most of her time with lovers. DIANE I can see.. They approach Yasmin. YASMIN (smiling) Fatimah! Thanks for coming. This is Imam Osama. Can we speak frankly? Yasmin looks at Diane. YASMIN (continuing; to Fatimah) I mean, you and us. FATIMAH This is Diane. She studies Opera as well. Imam Osama, Yasmin and Diane nod their heads IMAM OSAMA (with an exaggerated smile) Assalamu Alaykun! YASMIN Nice meeting you! DIANE Are you members of Al Qaeda? IMAM OSAMA Excuse me? YASMIN What a funny sense of humor. Diane and Fatimah step down the stairs and get into a Rolls Royce. Diane and the Imam follow them. DIANE Do you really believe we are of a different kind, Imam? IMAM OSAMA As I can see... YASMIN I would like you to introduce you to some young men, Fatimah. A group of musicians. IMAM OSAMA The ones who are into jazz? YASMIN Their main singer was killed in a car accident last week. And, I don't know why I thought of you. IMAM OSAMA (pause) Your aunt loves you Fatimah. She already found a job for you. FATIMAH (to Diane) Would you go with me? DIANE If you trust them. Diane opens the door of her Rolls Royce. IMAM OSAMA (pale of envy) I see your boss drives a fancy car. FATIMAH (to Diane) You should bring your Ferrari to the school. This one is too white. DIANE (to the Imam) Why don't you go ahead? The Imam and Yasmin walk away. IMAM OSAMA (whispering) The world is upside down. YASMIN Democrats... CUT TO: EXT. TERRY'S FRONT YARD. DAY A group of musicians play a bad song. TERRY, the guitarist, is a 30-year old thin and sleek fellow--his eyes are a prominent trait of his face. MARTIN, the bass, is a 35-year old man with a large nose. STEVE, the organist, is a 40-year old fellow. Terry screams the end of the song. Imam Osama and Yasmin clap their hands. IMAM OSAMA Insha'allah! You are good! You, Terry MacMillan! TERRY Thanks! I won't forget that! I won't forget that! YASMIN (to Fatimah) Would you be interested, then? Fatimah looks at Diane, who smiles with irony. FATIMAH This music is just a little bit edgy for me. YASMIN Nonsense. FATIMAH I'm an opera singer. TERRY What does Oprah recommend this week, guys? STEVE Yeah! SAMANTHNA (opening her mouth) Unbelievable! MARTIN One, two three! Diane looks at her watch. DIANE I have a doctor's appointment, Fatimah. FATIMAH I can go with you. YASMIN (quick) Wait! Stay with us, darling, just for ten minutes. I'll bring you home. DIANE Call me tonight. God bless you! Diane walks away. Terry plays the guitar. IMAM OSAMA Your friend is an infidel. FATIMAH She is a Christian. IMAM OSAMA Still she is an infidel. FATIMAH My grand mother was Christian as well, Imam. IMAM OSAMA Was she? TERRY No need to worry about, Fatimah. You are a true believer to us. FATIMAH Thanks for the compliment. (to Yasmin) Are we going home? Fatimah picks up her bag from the ground. Yasmin Gives a subtle look to Terry. YASMIN Oh! I forgot I should go to city Hall first. FATIMAH But... TERRY (to Fatimah) That's all right! I'll drive you all the way home! CUT TO: EXT. TERRY'S CAR. DAY Terry drives the car through Philadelphia. TERRY My family has made history. That's something my girlfriends should be aware of. My great grand father was the first white Muslim in the US. FATIMAH (ironic) He must be so proud of you. TERRY I can't tell darling, he's with three hundred virgins. Fatimah rolls her eyes. TERRY (continuing, doing his best) Do I like you? FATIMAH You mean, as a musician? TERRY Uh? FATIMAH I hate heavy metal. Still it is, how to put it? Lucrative... TERRY Look at what? FATIMAH Sorry? TERRY Look at it! Got it! Yes, it's a nice medal! Terry shows Fatimah the medal she had given to Salim. FATIMAH Insha'allah! How did you get it? TERRY A friend of mine gave it to me. She had a crush on me. But I was just teasing her. She was a night-club dancer, you know. FATIMAH Do you think she bought it? TERRY Don't know! Probably she just got if from a customer. Those places are full of silly old men. FATIMAH (visible hurt) I see. TERRY You look upset... Terry laughs. FATIMAH I can get off here, if you don't mind. TERRY Sure! Terry crosses two lanes at once and parks his car. The car behind him has changed speedily its lane to avoid an accident. The driver passes him blowing the horn. DRIVER What's wrong with your lane, dude? TERRY Thanks, man! Terry comes out of his car and searches on the ground. Fatimah gets off the car--it is a pink car. FATIMAH What are you doing down there? TERRY That guy is a jerk! Wha is wrong with my lane¿ FATIMAH Don't ask me! TERRY Do you like my car? FATIMAH Well, it's a little bit gay. TERRY Yea! I wanted to bring it to the parade and then to blow myself in it with all those decadent capitalist guys! FATIMAH Are you serious? TERRY Listen! FATIMAH Yeah? TERRY Would you like to go out for a date? FATIMAH (smiling) That's very nice of you, but... TERRY I know a lot of pole dancers who would die to marry me. But I like good Muslim girls, babe! FATIMAH (impatient) You don't have to. TERRY They say I have luck with all sort of women! Personality is all, you know. Fatimah looks at him with skepticism. FATIMAH Do you have a time in mind? Terry looks at his watch. TERRY Three twenty. FATIMAH I mean... At what time are you going to pick me up? TERRY Oh! Eight! Eight twenty, just after the football game! CUT TO: INT. PHILADELPHIA'S AIRPORT. DAY Annie and Sean walk along a large alley. They wear wool coats. SEAN We don't have to pick up the luggage, Baby. ANNIE Didn't you listen to Yasmin? Al Qaeda will flay your skin off if you don't do it. SEAN They are getting into my nerves, Annie. They didn't even allow me to open the red bag. ANNIE (whispering) It's just drugs. SEAN You knew it? Sean steps back. Annie pushes him on. ANNIE Did you think they were going to grant us fifty thousand dollars, just for nothing? They enter into the baggage claim hall. Sean gasps. The place is crowded with passengers and police officers. POLICEMAN 2 talks through a walkie-talkie. POLICEMAN 3 lashes an unfriendly dog. Sean sweeps with his handkerchief heavy drops of sweat on his face. He walks on. Luggage of all colors and sizes roll over the electric tray. People pick up their property. Sean looks around and fixes his gaze on POLICE WOMAN 1. She looks at him. Sean turns his gaze towards the baggage tray. Annie picks up a small black luggage. ANNIE (continuing) There it comes. Annie looks to a red bag rolling over the electric tray. Sean takes Annie's black bag. SEAN I will take yours. It's heavier. Annie snatches it. ANNIE Are you a man? Come on, boxer! Pick it up! They both struggle for the black bag. Policemen 4 and 5 talk to each other. They stare at Sean and Annie. Sean looks at them. Suddenly determined, he gazes the red bag. He moves forward to pick it up, but it slips under his fingers. He pushes people and jumps over the tray. He picks up the bag, steps back and fells onto the ground, hitting 87-year old MRS. CANCINO by accident. Mrs. Cancino holds a bag-carrying-car, which rolls away under Sean's push. She struggles to balance four heavy suitcases in it. MRS. CANCINO What the hell...! Sean steps forward and holds the bag-carrying-car. He shoves the suitcases in. Sean's face is tense by the effort . SEAN I got it! I got it! Sean is overwhelmed by the weight. The bag-carrying-car slowly rolls back against Mrs. Cancino, who screams and stumbles. Sean drops the suitcases in order to hold Mrs. Cancino. He supports her just before she falls on the floor. Between these two actions he gets rid of the red bag--it slips on the floor till it reaches the shoes of Policeman 3. The dog sniffs the bag. POLICEMAN 3 (to the dog) Anything fishy, Rex? The dog barks joyful at Policeman 3, who picks up the bag and walks towards Sean. Mrs. Cancino organizes the four suitcases in her bag-carrier--displaying unexpected strength. MRS. CANCINO You should learn to respect the elderly! ANNIE He just tried to help you, Mom. MRS. CANCINO I'm not your Mom. (to Policeman 3) These people tried to switch my luggage, Officer. Mrs. Cancino leaves. POLICEMAN 3 Whose bag is this? SEAN Not mine. I mean, yes. I didn't drop it. Annie picks up the luggage. ANNIE (smiling) Thank you, Officer. Policeman 3 leaves. Annie handles the bag to Sean. CUT TO: INT.  LIVING ROOM AT SALIM'S HOUSE. DAY A CD is introduced by Salim's hand into a CD player. "Soave sia il vento" is heard. Salim, wearing a white t-shirt, looks at Fatimah, who lies in a couch. SALIM It's a farewall song to our beloved ones. FATIMAH Why are they leaving? SALIM Because they wanted to feel how fragile love can be. SAMANTA Did you love Yasmin? SALIM Of course I did. FATIMAH Did she give you a hard time? I mean, now... SALIM On the contrary. She was vary Happy. She got what she wanted. FATIMAH Does she plan to marry someone else? SALIM Why do you ask? FATIMAH I saw her with an Imam. SALIM (pause) Can I kiss you? FATIMAH I was very clear. I don't want to play until we get married. (beat) Where is the medal I gave you? Salim holds his breath. SALIM In a security box... FATIMAH I want to see it. SALIM I... SAMANTA Are you sure? SALIM All right. I won't lie to you.  I lost it. FATIMAH I see. Salim approaches her. SALIM Why do you... FATIMAH Don't touch me! SALIM Don't you think you are overreacting? FATIMAH No, I have to tell you. I can't go out with you tomorrow evening. Salim looks surprised at her. FATIMAH (continuing) I have a date with a musician. SALIM (sad) But you... That's all right. I'm sorry... FATIMAH (nervous) I have to call someone. CUT TO: INT. PHILADELPHIA'S AIRPORT. DAY A hall way. People walk on, carrying their luggage. Custom officers stop and question people. CUSTOM OFFICER 1 talks to Mrs. Cancino. MRS. CANCINO This is outrageous! CUSTOM OFFICER 1 You must follow me, Mrs Cancino. MRS. CANCINO I won't do it! I won't allow you to put your hands on my suitcases! They are full of presents I bought for my American grandchildren! Not again! Mrs. Cancino takes a bottle out of her bossom and sprays Custum officer 1. She pushes forward her luggage. Custom officer 1 smiles like a baby. CUSTOM OFFICER 1 Do you also have a gift for me Mum? Mrs. Cancino takes a Santander peasant doll and gives it to Custom officer 1. CUSTOM OFFICER 1 Thanks Mummy! Custom officer 1 shrinks his shoulders. Mrs. Cancino rolls her suitcases away. CUSTOM OFFICER 1 (to another passanger) Come in, Mom!  CUT TO: INT. PHILADELPHIA'S AIRPORT. DAY Professor Joyo, disguised with a fake beard & mustache, glasses and cap, walks behind Sean and Annie. Wearing short pants and a t-shirt, he carries a gigantic green suitcase. He chews gum. ANNIE (O.S.) Cold blood. We are close. Sean and Annie walk in front of Professor Joyo. The exit gate is wide open in front of them. Professor Joyo observes them. His hands grip his bag. IMAM OSAMA (O.S.) Where do you come from, Sir? Annie and Sean stop one yard in front of the exit gate. ANNIE From Europe. Imam Osama, now dressed as a Custom Officer, looks at Sean. He looks at Professor Joyo. IMAM OSAMA (to Professor Joyo) You can go on, Sir. Professor Joyo exits. IMAM OSAMA (continuing; to Sean and Annie) You both, please, follow me. Sean fades and falls over the ground. CUT TO: INT. TERRY'S FRONT YARD. DAY Martin smokes. Steve drinks beer. Martin hands out his cigarette to Steve. MARTIN This shit takes you straight to the milky way, man! I feel like blowing up the tripping city! Steve smokes. STEVE Shut up! You say another word about City Hall and I smash your shitty head. MARTIN I didn't mention City Hall! You drug-addict maniac serial killer! Terry comes out and crosses the yard. He wears a new green suit, yellow trousers, red tie and handkerchief. Martin and Steve follow him--during the dialogue he will leave the house to get into his car. MARTIN (continuing) You look awesome in that suit, Man. TERRY Miss Piggy told me she likes colors. STEVE Did you get the rings? Terry hands him out a small blue-velvet box. Steve looks at two golden rings. TERRY 28 karats, man. I paid five thousand dollars for them. A fucking bargain. STEVE What? You are just wasting our money. You, moron! TERRY I'm no moron. I even got a discount. STEVE Couldn't you find some fucking tinsel rings? MARTIN Huh! Huh! Don't bother him! STEVE Right! Terry must get hold of Miss Piggy! But what about the money? Martin looks at his watch. MARTIN We must meet the Imam in two hours! CUT TO: INT. PHILADELPHIA'S HOTEL. DAY Professor Joyo opens the door, takes out his hat and glasses and embraces Yasmin. The green bag lies on the floor. PROFESSOR JOYO (laughing) You should have seen their faces! YASMIN Don't even tell me! That was pretty good, Professor Joyo! Yasmin takes off his fake beard and mustache and kisses him on his mouth. YASMIN (continuing) Let me see the paste! Professor Joyo places the bag on the bed. He opens it. It is full of plastic bags--each of them full of white powder. Yasmin, laughing hysterically, opens a bottle of champagne and serves three cups. Imam Osama, now wearing a black suit, enters. He holds Sean's red bag. IMAM OSAMA Are you sick? This is not the place to show off! Yasmin gives him a cup of champagne. YASMIN (authoritative) Imam! Com on! Let's celebrate. PROFESSOR JOYO (almost crying of happiness) ¿Can I get my papers now? Imam Osama approaches the window. He looks beyond. INSERT: EXT. PHILADELPHIA STREET--CORNER. DAY MARCIANO and SEPULVEDA, two gangsters, stand up on a street corner. They watch the street. They wear dark suits and dark glasses. IMAM OSAMA (O.S.) Shut up and close that bag! There is nothing to brag about yet. BACK TO SCENE: INT. PHILADELPHIA'S HOTEL. DAY IMAM OSAMA Professor Joyo should deliver first. PROFESSOR JOYO Who? Yasmin closes the bag and gives it to Imam Osama. YASMIN (to Professor Joyo) We count on you, Sammy. The Imam has service at seven. Professor Joyo looks at her in horror. PROFESSOR JOYO My part of the deal was to bring the luggage. I did it! Out of Professor Joyo's gaze, Imam Osama opens the closet and opens the bag. He takes out out of it a small gadget with a flickering light. The Imam closes the bag. YASMIN Once you do it, we'll give you your American residency. You don't want to come back to Brighton. They may reopen the case of Osama's death. The Imam hands out the bag to Professor Joyo. IMAM OSAMA Ready? CUT TO: INT. POLICE STATION. DAY Annie cries and filters to someone we don't see. She is seated on a bench. INSPECTOR MACAULAY faces her. INSPECTOR MACAULAY We found fifty grams of cocaine in your luggage. ANNIE I swear to God I didn't know it. INSPECTOR MACAULAY You might spend 10 years in prison, Mrs. ANNIE Sorry, it's just that... You remind me of so many Hollywood stars... INSPECTOR MACAULAY (flattered) What do you mean, madam? ANNIE I'm awfully sorry... Yes, I didn't know anything. I swear it. That man, Sean--he invited me to visit his friend... INSPECTOR MACAULAY Who? ANNIE Fatimah Hesbani. He had some kind of dealings with her. Don't ask me more, please. It makes me nervous. Fatimah appears to be an innocent girl, but she's a very dangerous woman. I can't even talk... She cries. INSPECTOR MACAULAY We got intelligence that fifty kilograms of cocaine went into the market today. It seems the customs were fooled by the Cancino family. Their grandmother makes Ma Baker look like Mother Teresa! If you help me to catch that Colombian Familia, the US government will offer you a house with three rooms and a terrace, plus an annual income of fifty thousand dollars! ANNIE (smiling) Do you have rooms in Hawai? Inspector Macaulay shows his profile to Annie. INSPECTOR MACAULAY So, do I look like George Clooney? CUT TO: EXT. WEST PHILADELPHIA CAFE. DAY. Fatimah drinks a cappuccino. She talks to Diane, who smokes. DIANE Forget that guy. He's a fake. FATIMAH I know he's not very bright, but... He can help me to forget Salim. DIANE You love Salim! Stay with him! FATIMAH I don't know Salim. I just found out he goes to nightclubs. DIANE We don't know anybody. Did you date any guys before, Fatimah? FATIMAH (blushed) Well... DIANE Forget about Terry. FATIMAH I have already accepted his invitation for a date. DIANE (sigh) Whatever. CUT TO: INT. GANGSTER'S DEN. NIGHT A dark basement, scarcely lit. The green suitcase is open by Marciano's hands. He takes out a knife with dexterity and opens a hole in one of them. Marciano introduces one of his fingers in the bag. He tastes the white powder. Sepulveda and Professor Joyo look attentively at him. MACHETE and ERUPTO, two giant gangsters, stand before the entrance. Marciano nods his head in a gesture of approval. Sepulveda gives a bag to Professor Joyo. He opens it. It is stuffed with dollar bills. PROFESSOR JOYO Thank you, Señores! Professor Joyo closes it. Machete takes out a machete from his coat and presses it over P. Joyo's throat. Professor Joyo gasps. PROFESSOR JOYO (continuing) The northeastern branch of Al Qaeda is with me! MARCIANO That's what worries us. If we get into trouble, we may blame your fucking terrorism. PROFESSOR JOYO Oh, no! I can assure you, this coke hasn't been poisoned! Marciano waves his hand and Machete keeps his gun. MARCIANO I wanted to hear that. Professor Joyo steps back. MARCIANO (continuing) Listen to me! Professor Joyo turns around. MARCIANO (continuing) If we see any cop sniffing around here, we'll make a chili sauce with your cheeks and buttocks, and we send it to your family as a gift. Do you get it? Machete giggles. Professor Joyo leaves. CUT TO: INT. AL QAEDA HEADQUARTER. NIGHT A group of about twenty Al Qaeda members, wearing turbans, listen to Imam Osama, who, standing on a 4-feet wooden stage, speaks before a microphone. He wears a purple outfit. There are some people seated around the Imam; amongst them Terry, Steve and Martin. Professor Joyo stands on the right side of the Imam. Yasmin stands on the left side. IMAM OSAMA It is with deep sorrow that we see many brothers and sisters waste their lives without claiming the supremacy of Al Qaeda! Are we going to forgive them? AL QAEDA CROWD No! IMAM OSAMA We must hit first all those infidels who don't understand we are the chosen of Allah! TERRY (jumping to the roof) Yeah! Hurray! Long live Al Qaeda! Yeah! Hurray! Hurray! People look at him with blank expressions on their faces. Terry, visibly ashamed, wears his turban. IMAM OSAMA We must turn this system upside down, brothers. We truly believe in compassion, brotherhood and love, yes! But we believe it for the true believers! AL QAEDA CROWD Yeah! Yeah! IMAM OSAMA We welcome today a saint and a matriarch! From the unfaithful continent, Professor Joyo and Yasmin! Yasmin and Professor Joyo enter. He wears an oversize Al Qaeda Turban; she, a veil. People cry and clap. The Imam kisses Yasmin on her cheek. She smiles back at him. Professor Joyo spins along the stage unable to see, her hands trying to take out his Turban. Al Qaeda WOMAN 1 stands up before the microphone. She holds a notebook on her hands. Silence. Imam Osama guides Yasmin to a chair. They both sit down. Professor Joyo goes on spinning clumsily his body on the stage, until falling out before the audience. PROFESSOR JOYO Aaaaaaaaaah! AL QAEDA WOMAN 1 It is my pleasure, brothers and sisters, to announce our Ayatolah. Would the candidates stand up, please? Imam Osama and Al Qaeda MEMBERS 1 & 2 stand up. Professor Joyo stands up, managing to take off his Turban. Martin pulls Professor Joyo down from his sleeve. MARTIN (whispering) Sit down! Professor Joyo falls down on the legs of a Al Qaeda WOMAN 2. AL QAEDA WOMAN 2 What the hell? Al Qaeda woman 2 pushes Professor Joyo away, throwing him onto the floor. Imam Osama smiles very confident. AL QAEDA WOMAN 1 And our new president is Mahmut Hakro! Al Qaeda member 1 goes to the pulprit. People clap. Revered Osama's smile vanishes. He looks at Yasmin's upset countenance. CUT TO: INT. TERRY'S APARTMENT. NIGHT Terry sleeps in his bed. Knocks on the door are heard once and again. There are cans of beer, pizza boxes and dirty silware all around the room. A portrait of Osama Bin Laden hangs onto a wall. Terry wakes up and stands up. He wears a clean suit, but his hair is puffy and dirty. He opens the door. Imam Osama and Yasmin enter visibly upset. Terry goes into the bathroom. Yasmin follows him. Terry shaves with a machine. YASMIN Bye Mahomed! Don't you know you have a date in ten minutes? TERRY I'm ready! YASMIN Won't you take a shower? TERRY That's all right. Terry inmerses his head in the loo, then takes it out and dries it with a towel. TERRY Can you pass me the perfume, please? CUT TO: INT. SALIM'S HOUSE. NIGHT Salim, seated before his dinner table, drinks a cup of wine. Fatimah walks downstairs, from the upper floor. Salim stands up. He looks at her in admiration. Fatimah wears a white dress that shapes her prominent breasts. Her face and hair have changed. FATIMAH I'll be back before midnight. SALIM I just prepared dinner and I thought, perhaps, if you want.. A ring is heard. Salim opens the door. Terry steps in. He carries a red rose on his hand. Fatimah approaches him. TERRY That dress is too tight, babe. Fatimah takes the rose from his hand. FATIMAH (impatient) What lotion do you use? Terry catches the rose back, snaps it and places it in his jacket buttonhole. TERRY You like it? Yes, I know, I know... FATIMAH (impatient) Insha'allah! Terry looks at his watch. TERRY (continuing) If we dine before nine we'll see Leno's show. Fatimah holds Terry's arm. Salim opens the door. SALIM Have I seen you before? Terry's smile vanishes as he looks at Salim. TERRY I've never been in court... Terry grasps Fatimah's hand and leaves. Salim walks to the dinner table, where he looks at a served dinner. CUT TO: INT. AL QAEDA HEADQUARTER ROOM. NIGHT The gangster's suitcase lies over a table. Imam Osama takes its bills out and organizes them in piles. To his side, Yasmin hands out a small amount of money to Steve, who wears dark glasses. STEVE Is that it? IMAM OSAMA You will get your complete share once the operation be over. Steve takes his glasses off and looks at the pile of money. YASMIN It's for our missionary work in Central America. STEVE (credulus) Yarhamkom Allah. He leaves the room. Yasmin embraces the Imam. IMAM OSAMA Was he the last one? YASMIN Yes. These guys trust me, my dear. She intends to kiss him. The Imam walks away. IMAM OSAMA First, we must keep this money in a safe place. Professor Joyo enters. His hair is messy. PROFESSOR JOYO I want my whole share! I won't risk my life again. I want my money! YASMIN Professor Joyo! Be kind with the Imam! He wasts to save the world from the decadence of Capitalism. PROFESSOR JOYO I don't care! IMAM OSAMA You are worst than Cain! YASMIN (to Professor Joyo) We better leave him alone! He is quite upset. PROFESSOR JOYO But... YASMIN Philadelphia is so insecure, Professor. Will you come with me to my hotel? I'll invite you to a cup of tea. CUT TO: INT. BAR. NIGHT Fatimah and Terry, seated around a small table, chat. Fatimah drinks a cocktail. Terry drinks a pint of beer and eats a huge plate of lasagna. TERRY I will make a lot of money. Guys like Mohamde Ali and Michael Jordan started just like me. FATIMAH Isn't Michael Jordan a Christiam? TERRY Oh, yeah. I confuse him with the other guy, Malcom X. Sound of a broken glass. CUSTOMERS 1 and 2 fight. FATIMAH This place is a little bit rough for a date. TERRY You are so right! Would you like to go out for a walk? Customer 1 pushes customer 2 over their table. CUSTOMER 1 You, mother fucker asshole! Customer 1 and 2 jump out the table. TERRY Aren't they funny? Fatimah stands up and exits. TERRY (continuing; filling his mouth with food) Wait! Let's split the bill! CUT TO: EXT. PINE STREET. NIGHT Fatimah and Terry walk on. The street is dirty. FATIMAH Why are we going this way? TERRY I like this area of the city. Everything is cheaper! Fatimah watches a BEGGAR, who sleepy lies on the sidewalk. Hidden some yards ahead, Steve and Martin, wearing black clothes, cover their faces. FATIMAH Isn't it dangerous? TERRY Not with me, baby. Steve and Martin appear. Steve handles a knife. Martin, a club. STEVE Your purse or your life! Terry hits Martin, who falls on the floor. Fatimah screams. Terry looks at Steve. Steve nods his head towards Fatimah. Terry hushes up Fatimah by covering her mouth with his hand. TERRY Don't scream! The police can hear us. FATIMAH That's what I am trying to do! Terry looks surprised at her. Steve takes his head between his hands. STEVE (to Fatimah) If you don't shut up we'll kill you! Martin stands up. MARTIN Give me your money! You, fucking asshole! TERRY (remembering his text) You won't touch... Miss Piggy! Martin and Steve look at each other. Steve grasps Fatimah's arms. He places his knife on her throat. STEVE Give us your money or I will cut her fucking throat! TERRY Hey! Did you call me moron? STEVE You, Moron! Terry jumps over Martin, who is easily put down. Steve throws Fatimah on the floor and copes with Terry. Terry jumps in the air and falls down. Steve jumps on him and places his knife on Terry's hand. STEVE (continuing; whispering) Take it! Terry snatches the knife and throws it away. He screams as a karate instructor, springs up and beats Steve. STEVE (continuing) You broke my nose! Steve runs away. Terry approaches Martin and kicks him on the floor. MARTIN Not so hard, man! TERRY What? Martin is knocked out. Terry grasps Fatimah's hand. TERRY (continuing) Let's go. FATIMAH What about them? Aren't you going to call the police? TERRY (smiling) The police? For such a scam? Come on! Terry drags her away. CUT TO: EXT. DRIVE THROUGH. NIGHT. Sepulveda's car is parked besides the microphone boot. A thin BIMBO accompanies him. PROFESSOR JOYO My name is Professor Joyo, what can I do for you today? SEPULVEDA I want a double chesse burger with a soda and twisted french fries. IMAM OSAMA (V.O.) (persuasive) Would you like a creamy double chocolate milshake instead of the soda? SEPULVEDA All right, but... IMAM OSAMA Do you want to oversize them? SEPULVEDA Ok... IMAM OSAMA Would you like a vanilla cheesecake? You get two per one dollar! SEPULVEDA That's fine! What about you babe? BIMBO I just want a salad. SEPULVEDA You heard her! IMAM OSAMA It's 10,43. Please drive through the next window. Sepulveda drives through. He stops besides the window. He recieves the package and hands it out to the Bimbo. He pays. The Bimbo takes the hamburger out and gives it to Sepulveda, who looks at it. SEPULVEDA Yummy yummy! He's gonna bite when he gets a shot through his head. BIMBO Ah! Imam Osama, wearing Profesor Joyo's clothes, looks at him from the counter. He jumps out and runs. IMAM OSAMA Allah is great! CUT TO: INT. STATE PRISON. NIGHT Sean is introduced by a guard to a cabin. As he sits down he sees Annie--she is seated in front of him, across a glass. SEAN Annie! How did you get out? ANNIE (sobbing) I have lived a nightmare, Sean. I can't stand this anymore. I don't know anybody in this country. I need to see someone! SEAN Haven't you talked to Fatimah! ANNIE Not at all. She is your friend, afterall. Do you have her address? Her phone number? SEAN 666 666 6666 Annie stops sobbing. She smiles and stands up. ANNIE Thanks, Darling. SEAN Are you leaving? ANNIE I don't want to see you again, Sean. You won't abuse of our frindship again. CUT TO: INT. STATE PRISON. NIGHT Annie enters to a room, where Inspector Macaulay stands up. He handles a cell phone on his hands. The voice of Sean is weakly heard. SEAN (O.S.) Don't leave me, Annie! I still love you! What have they done to you? Don't believe them! They just want to put us behind bars forever! Annie! ANNIE Did we nail him? INSPECTOR MACAULAY You did a good job. (through the cell) I want microphones on every corner of that house. I will be there in fifteen minutes. CUT TO: EXT. TERRY'S CAR. NIGHT Terry parks in front of Salim's house. TERRY Those ruffians didn't know who they were dealing with. FATIMAH They looked so nervous... TERRY Thay must be! I almost killed them! FATIMAH I was quite scared when one of them put his knife on my throat... TERRY Ah, yeah! But I saved you. FATIMAH Don't you think you put my life at risk? TERRY The promised me not to... SAMANTA (suspitious) Yes? Terry offers her a golden ring. TERRY (continuing) I want to marry you on the 18th of August--at 10 in the morning. Fatimah watches very surprised how Terry introduces the ring on her finger. FATIMAH But! I mean... You! Are you? TERRY I am a straight man, Fatimah. You should marry me, so that you can get a green card, have a family and enjoy the American dream. Maybe you won't get it today, maybe not tomorrow, but someday you will, sure. Now, be a good girl and promise to marry me on the 18th at noon. FATIMAH But, that's in two weeks! TERRY Babe! This is not time to wiggle-waggle! I just proposed you. Just say yes, and I will marry you! You say no, and I... I.... SAMANTA Yes? TERRY (angry) I will be very, very angry! Damn! I can't believe I'm doing this! Will you marry me? Fatimah looks alarmed. FATIMAH Yes... Terry approaches to kiss her. Fatimah hesitates and opens her lips. Terry's eyes are suddenly wide opened. TERRY Excuse me. Terry turns his head and burps grossly. Fatimah looks terrified at him. TERRY (continuing) That lasagna was good! CUT TO: EXT. IN FRONT OF SALIM'S HOUSE. NIGHT Salim, in pajamas, opens the door. He discovers Fatimah and Terry, who, without noticing him, chat close by. TERRY I think we better wait till the 18th, at 10 am, on our wedding day. FATIMAH Didin't you say at noon? TERRY Not at all. FATIMAH I'm not sure of what we are doing, Terry. TERRY Yes. Yes. Yes! Terry steps back smiling. He stumbles and gets into his car. Fatimah walks towards the house. She looks worried. Salim returns hastily, making a lot of noise. CUT TO: EXT. ACROSS SALIM'S HOUSE. NIGHT. Inspector Macaulay, hidden in a car, takes snapshots of Salim and Fatimah. A speaker reproduces the words of Fatimah. FATIMAH (V.O.) Salim? My God! What are you doing here! BACK TO SCENE: EXT. IN FRONT OF SALIM'S HOUSE. NIGHT Salim tries to open the door, but instead he closes it. FATIMAH You must be freezing! SALIM I was checking the roses, when... I got locked outside the house. Fatimah tries the door and opens it. SALIM (continuing) There you are! Now it works! Fatimah walks in. CUT TO: EXT. PHILADELPHIA HOTEL ROOM. DAY Yasmin receives a small bag from a Imam Osama, who disguised as a waiter, blinks his eyes and leaves. YASMIN Now your clothes are washed and ironed! You must lose weight, Professor Joyo. She moves towards the dining table, where a WAITRESS serves breakfast. Professor Joyo, already seated, drinks coffee. PROFESSOR JOYO (bitter) Will you marry Imam Osama, then? The waitress exits the room. Yasmin bites an apple. Professor Joyo takes the newspaper. YASMIN Osama is so apt, so ambitious, so clever, so eye-appealing! Ah! That's why Al Qaeda didn't choose him. We are a very charismatic couple! PROFESSOR JOYO Charismatic? He fells onto the floor. YASMIN Professor Joyo! The newspaper falls on the ground. The first page reproduces photographies of Sepulveda and Professor Joyo, and a title in capital letters: GANGSTER MURDERED BY UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR. YASMIN (continuing; to an still professor) Professor Joyo? CUT TO: INT. GANGSTERS' DEN. DAY. A newspaper lies over a wooden table--the first page shows the photograph of Professor Joyo. A dagger pierces it. Marciano talks to Machete and Erupto. MARCIANO If this fucking nazis think they can play with us, on our own backyard, they are very mistaken. Terribly mistaken! The telephone rings. Marciano answers it. MARCIANO (continuing) Yes?... Oh, Inspector Macaulay!... Thanks. I'm sorry too. He was a good fellow. Very forgiving with his mates in Prison, yes. What a pity! You are, as ever, invited to his funeral. No! He was working on his own account. We are not into drugs anymore. Yes, like in the movies! You too! Have a good day. He hangs up. MARCIANO (continuing) Machete! MACHETE Yes, sir! MARCIANO Contact my mother. MACHETE (hesitating) With all my respect, Sir, Sepulveda was a brother to us. I would be happy to slit the throat of that son of a bitch. MARCIANO You don't want to mess up with the Feds, do you? Do as I say! Call my mother. Machete looks at him with scorn. CUT TO: INT. SALIM'S HOUSE. NIGHT Fatimah plays with a kitten. Salim walks with a folder in hand, and sits down on a sofa besides her. SALIM Are you going out tonight? FATIMAH I have plans for the entire weekend. What is this? Fatimah takes the folder from Salim's hands and peruses it. Salim embraces the cat. SALIM I will enjoy the company of ¨Mitten¨. FATIMAH I see you got divorce. Well, we can get married then... SALIM Insha'allah! FATIMAH Wait! Wait! I want to marry you AND Terry. SALIM What? FATIMAH Islam should be a religion with a bill of rights. If men can marry many a woman, why can't we? SALIM Are you nuts? FATIMAH Perhaps, but I already gave my word. Will you marry me then? Salim moves around the room. SALIM Let me think of it. Fatimah embraces him. FATIMAH Oh, Salim! SALIM The point is that I won't trust my co-husband. I haven't been able to remember the facts, but I know foe sure he has been involved in some terrorist activities. FATIMAH He is an Al Queda member! Salim takes a velvet box out of his pockets and kneels before Fatimah. SALIM Will you marry me? FATIMAH Yes. SALIM Whatever you decide to do, I'll go with it. FATIMAH (blushed) Aren't you afraid? SALIM ... I will always love you. FATIMAH Salim! Salim looks at her. She looks at him. They approach their mouths to each other. Ring sound. Fatimah opens the door. Diane enters. DIANE How are you! What a nice kitten. Did you buy it, Mr. Bhil? SALIM I found her... in the backyard. FATIMAH (to Diane) A stray. Fatimah smiles. Salim and the kitten look at her. CUT TO: INT. GANSGTERS' DEN. DAY Marciano opens Mrs. Cancino's luggage. She, seated on a chair, pours milk in a cup of tea. MARCIANO Mamita linda! Marciano discovers a luggage full of weapons. Machete and Erupto look at them in amazement. MRS. CANCINO Won't you oil your toys, Marcianito? MARCIANO (to Machete and Erupto) Bring them to the Gym! CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. NIGHT Professor Joyo lies on a bed--he seems asleep. Imam Osama meets Yasmin. IMAM OSAMA How is he? YASMIN He will be fine. IMAM OSAMA Damn! The entire Cali Cartel is behind us. YASMIN Where is the money? IMAM OSAMA (looking around) You mean, the candies? YASMIN (embarrased) Sorry, I forget. IMAM OSAMA Joyo will be a martyr. Let's get out of here. They step out. At the door they meet the NURSE, an athletic 30-year old woman who brings a bowl of soup. She rolls her eyes and looks intensively at them. YASMIN Excuse us! They exit. Professor Joyo opens his eyes with fear. The Nurse smiles at Professor Joyo. NURSE (coquettish) It's all right. I know who you are. CUT TO: EXT. PHILADELPHIA--BROAD STREET. DAY Wearing cleaning-staff outfits, Imam Osama and Yasmin pick up trash from the street. They discreetly take pictures at City Hall. IMAM OSAMA When did he propose her? YASMIN Last night. IMAM OSAMA (laughing) Terry will be honored by the Virgins of Paradise! YASMIN I can picture them now! They shall step into City Hall. The audience shall shiver in the cold! And then... IMAM OSAMA When all those baboons, weak-minded Christians, rain-bow supporters of the Vatican, step out of their offices to clap the wedding of another infidel. Boom! (laughing, then serious) Too bad for Terry. YASMIN (dismissive) We'll build him a memorial in La Meca. (earnest) We both must be martyrs by then as well, honey. Did you already book the rancho in South America? IMAM OSAMA From the night after. YASMIN Are we taking the ¨candies" with us? IMAM OSAMA Forget them! YASMIN What? IMAM OSAMA Blame Professor Joyo! He got fake bills in that suitcase! YASMIN You are such a crook. Where is my part of that share? IMAM OSAMA You'll have to trust on me, Darling. YASMIN If that's true he must be swept up. Call Marciano Cancino! Imam Osama smiles and dials his cell phone. INT. SOUTH PHILADELPHIA GYM. DAY Machete practices boxing with a RIVAL. Ring sound. Marciano answers his cell. Erupto escorts him. MARCIANO Hello! What the fuck?... You are a dead man Imam!... Where? Which number?... Bullshit Imam! He closes his cell and keeps it into his suit. He makes a gesture to Machete, who knocks out his rival with a powerful right. CUT TO: EXT. DIANE'S HOUSE BACKYARD. NIGHT About 50 people drink and chat in a crowded garden around an Olympic swimming pool--all they are mainly students, from all around the world. Diane and Fatimah drink champagne. DIANE (upset) A friend of mine is getting married to a Muslim? I'm not going to your wedding! Have you lost your mind? FATIMAH I was under pressure. DIANE How can you love him? FATIMAH There is something you don't know. DIANE My goodness! FATIMAH I will marry him, but... Diane looks at Martin, who wearing a dark suit talks to AFRICAN-AMERICAN GIRLS 1 and 2. Diane walks slowly towards them. DIANE He's a retarded! That's not love, Fatimah, that's pity. You cannot ruin your life for an asshole. FATIMAH I also will get married to Salim. DIANE What? FATIMAH A broken heart, at his age, is very sad. DIANE That would be bigamy! FATIMAH I'm a liberal muslim. DIANE I think it works the other way. FATIMAH He left his wife for me. DIANE I find Mr. Bhil still a very attractive guy. But you cannot have a wedding night with more than one man in your bedroom! Fatimah smiles. FATIMAH Well... They meet Martin. MARTIN What's up, Diane? DIANE Hey nigger! FATIMAH (surprised) You are... DIANE We are double agents, Fatimah. I think It's about time to tell you of the activities of Al Queda's wedding room. CUT TO: INT. STATE PRISON. DAY. Mrs. Cancino walks through a corridor. She carries a small perfume spray on her hands. She is escorted by GUARD 1. Guard 1 opens a door. Guard 2 and 3 watch about 20 TV screens--the monitored images of the entire prison. GUARD 1 Your Mom is here, Sam. GUARD 2 You gotta be kidding. Mrs. Cancino walks in and sprays Guard 2 and 3 on their faces. They cough. Guard 1 looks zombie at them. CUT TO: INT. STATE PRISON. DAY. Sean walks through a corridor. He is escorted by Guard 4. SEAN What's her name? GUARD 4 She is a woman very dear to you, bro. SEAN Annie? GUARD 4 Wait and see. Guard 4 introduces Sean into a visitor's cabin. Sean faces Mrs. Cancino. MRS. CANCINO My son! Sean! Can I speak to you for a moment, officer? GUARD 4 Sure. The guard 4 closes the door. SEAN Do I know you? MRS. CANCINO I have come to take you out of this den, kid. Now, listen and pay attention to what I say! Guard 4 opens the door where Mrs. Cancino is. MRS. CANCINO (continuing) Officer! How kind of you. Can you please, pass one of these sprays to my boy? Mrs. Cancino sprays Guard 4 on his face. Guard 4 coughs. He acts as a zombie. GUARD 4 I will do it, Mom. I don't want you to get mad at me! Guard 4 exits, closing the door. MRS. CANCINO You are going to spray any guard you find on your way out. SEAN Isn't it dangerous? MRS. CANCINO They will become three-year old babies. Guard 4 opens the door and gets into Sean's cabin. GUARD 4 Mom sent you this, Daddy. Sean receives it. He sprays Guard 4 on his face. He falls smiling as a baby on the ground. MRS. CANCINO Only once! SEAN But... MRS. CANCINO Put his clothes on! CUT TO: INT. STATE PRISON. DAY. Guard 2 and 3 watch the monitoring screens. One of them show Mrs. Cancino and Sean walking through a corridor--Sean wears a police uniform. GUARD 2 That's mum... GUARD 3 And Daddy! CUT TO: EXT. STATE PRISON'S GATE. DAY. Mrs. Cancino and Sean exit the prison. GUARD 5 (waving a handkerchief in his hand, sobbing) Don't forget us, Mom! SEAN Now I remember you. You were at the airport. MRS. CANCINO We both worked, I believe, in the same business. SEAN Thanks. Thanks! I'm free, then? MRS. CANCINO Not so fast, kid. The children want to ask you some questions. SEAN Whose children? MRS. CANCINO Mine. They get into a limousine, parked just in front of the prison. CUT TO: EXT. PHILADELPHIA STREET. DAY Marciano and Machete cross the street, towards a hospital. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY. The Nurse kisses pasionately Professor Joyo. PROFESSOR JOYO Thanks, but... NURSE My psychic told me you are my soulmate. I've been waiting for many years! A cel alarm is heard. The Nurse stands up from Professor's Bay's bed and turns off her cel. NURSE You should get ready now. Professor Joyo stands up and takes out his robe--under it he wears almost a complete outfit. He unfolds his sleeves and stands up in front of a mirror, where he knots his tie up. NURSE (continuing) Do as I told you. PROFESSOR JOYO Insha'allah! Professor Joyo goes out by the main door. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR. DAY. Professor Joyo sees Machete and Marciano coming out from the elevator. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY. Professor Joyo runs back into the room. PROFESSOR JOYO Your plan failed! They are here! NURSE Don't get so exited, Mr. Joyo. It won't do you any good. PROFESSOR JOYO They will kill me. La Familia Cancino. Save me! He embraces the Nurse's legs. She undresses. NURSE Let's switch clothes, soon! CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. DAY. Machete and Marciano walk along the corridor. As they walk along they prepare their weapons: two small machine-guns. From the bottom of the corridor the Nurse, wearing Professor Joyo's clothes, approaches. Marciano and Machete hide their weapons. NURSE Excuse me, do you know where can I find a bathroom? MARCIANO (jesting) For men or women? NURSE Are you of those who can't stand a woman in trousers? MARCIANO Get out of my way, freak! Machete points out his machine-gun to her. NURSE You and your big penis! The nurse steps away. Marciano and Machete restart walking. MARCIANO Fucking queers... They have arrived to the door of the last room, at the end of the corridor. They enter. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL ROOM. DAY. Marciano and Machete meet Professor Joyo, in nurse's outfit, reading the newspaper. There is a human shape in the bed, under the covers. MARCIANO Excuse us, Señorita. We want to talk to our... brother. Professor Joyo stands up and walks out. PROFESSOR JOYO (whispering) He is deadly sleep. But I'm glad you are here! He was feeling a little bit lonely! Professor Joyo meets Machete, who blocks the door. Machete looks at Professor Joyo with desire. MACHETE (smiling) Hi! PROFESSOR JOYO Excuse me, Sir... Machete steps aside, looking at Professor Joyo's butt. Professor Joyo goes out. Marciano lights a cigar. MARCIANO Close the door. Machete closes the door. He and Marciano point their weapons to the human shape, lying in the bed. CUT TO: INT. HOSPITAL. DAY. The door is closed. Professor Joyo runs towards the elevator, at the end of the corridor, where the Nurse waits. Noise of machine-gun. Noise of screams--Marciano and Machete screaming. Sound of a fire alarm. Water falls in all directions. He stumbles in his high-heel shoes. Professor Joyo reaches the elevator. PROFESSOR JOYO Let's get out of here! A gun points to his head. ERUPTO (O.S.) Not so fast, Baby. (to the nurse) You better use the stairs! The Nurse steps aside raising her hands. Erupto blocks the elevator, grasping Professor Joyo from his neck. Marciano and Machete run through the corridor, towards the elevator. They get in. The elevator doors close. CUT TO: INT. ELEVATOR. DAY Marciano, Machete, Erupto and Professor Joyo stand up. Professor Joyo is gasping under the pressure of Erupto's arm. MACHETE He is fucking dead! MARCIANO Shut up! What are you doing with that woman? ERUPTO She is our hostage. MACHETE Are you fucking crazy? Machete pushes Erupto, who releases Professor Joyo. Professor Joyo breathes deeply. The elevator opens its door on the basement. PROFESSOR JOYO Thanks! MARCIANO I had never seen a woman as pretty as you in all my life! Marciano steps out. ERUPTO We must get rid of her, Machete. MACHETE Get out of here! Erupto exits the elevator. Machete follows him. As the doors of the elevator close, Machete looks at Professor Joyo and smiles. Professor Joyo smiles back nervously at him. CUT TO: INT. GANGSTERS' DEN. DAY. Sean, seated on a chair, peruses the pages of the local telephone directory. Mrs. Cancino peruses the internet on a laptop computer. Marciano enters--arms wide open, and embraces Mrs. Cancino. MARCIANO Mamita linda! (looking at Sean) Who's he? MRS. CANCINO Sean. (to Sean) This is Don Marciano. The gentleman who sponsored your escape. SEAN Oh! I want to thank you, Sir. MARCIANO Thank my ass! I want something from you. (to Mrs. Cancino) Did you get it? MRS. CANCINO He gave us a hint. A woman called Fatimah, who appears to be the bride of Professor Joyo. Unfortunately he only got a phone number, and we need her address. It's not in the web. He has been so kind, though, as to accept to peruse the entire phone directory. Am I right? Sean looks at Machete's and Erupto's threatening faces. Sean looks back at the directory. MARCIANO Listen to me Kid! If you don't find that address by Monday morning, we'll send you to swim on the Delaware river with a half-ton stone tied up to your fucking neck. Did you get it? < |