| Hugo Noel Santander |
Al Qaeda's
Weding Room
A long-feature comedy
FADE
IN:
EXT. EUROPEAN CITY--UNIVERSITY PARKING LOT. DAY
Couples of students walk away from the parking lot--some of
them kiss and hold each other's hands.
Fatimah, a 21-year old dark-skin,
half-Pakistani,half-Scottish voluptuous girl, parks her car.
Fatimah gets out from her car and meets Professor Joyo, a
brown-eye man in shape with a crown of white hair over his
bald head.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Will you marry me, then, Fatimah?
FATIMAH
I'd rather pass the test, Muhammad.
Fatimah starts ahead. Professor Joyos follows her.
PROFESSOR JOYO
What about all the presents I've
given you? They amount about ten
thousand pounds!
FATIMAH
We just don't get along, Professor
Joyo.
PROFESSOR JOYO
You get along with Yalda, don't you
FATIMAH
I don't want to share my husband
with another woman!
PROFESSOR JOYO
I can stay with her while you
finish your studies in the US! And
I guaranteed you the best G.P.A to
get you into a graduate school.
FATIMAH
Only if I marry you. Isn't that
what you call sexual harassment?
PROFESSOR JOYO
(smiling)
The proof of the pudding is in the
eating.
Professor Joyo blocks her way.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I can also give a hand to your
friends. They need it!
FATIMAH
You are on my way, Professor.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Come to my place tomorrow. We can
grade your exam together...
She sighs and leaves.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(continuing; from the
background)
Tomorrow! At nine in the evening!
CUT TO:
INT. UNIVERSITY SCHOOL ROOM. DAY
ANNIE (O.S.)
Sean!
SEAN, a 20-year old blonde muscle guy, takes out a gum from
his mouth and sticks it onto a wall. He holds ANNIE in his
arms, a 21-year old bimbo.
SEAN
(disgusted)
You know I hate cherry.
ANNIE
Don't be a moron! I couldn't find
another flavor.
Sean kisses her.
They are in the corner of a school room, besides the back
door. The door is slightly open. Annie faces the alley, so
she can look out as she kisses Sean.
People walk on the alley without noticing her.
About twenty students hang around--some of them read, some
of them look out through the window, some others write.
Two women and a man stare at Sean and Annie.
WOMAN 1
I saw her leaving Professor's Bay
apartment this morning!
WOMAN 2
Those Pakis are everywhere.
Fatimah walks along the alley.
Annie pushes Sean away from her.
ANNIE
There comes that nerd again.
Fatimah gets into the school room by the main door. Sean
turns around, opens his arms, walks over the room and
embraces Fatimah.
SEAN
Fatimah! We were just talking about
you!
FATIMAH
Uh! I was just thinking about you
both, guys! What are you doing
tomorrow evening?
SEAN
We don't know yet, I think.
FATIMAH
Perhaps you can come to my house to
have a drink. We can play cards, or
something, you know...
Annie approaches them.
SEAN
Now, I just remember: Annie must go
to visit her mum. Must you not,
darling?
ANNIE
I'm so forgetful! You are not going
to leave me alone, Honey!
(joking)
You make me jealous, Fatimah. Sean
just talk about you day and night.
I think he has a crush on you.
Fatimah blushes. Annie stares at Sean with complicity. Sean
embraces Fatimah.
SEAN
Why don't you help us with the
written exam today?
ANNIE
Oh, yes! Stay close to us, Fatimah.
This test gives me the creeps.
WOMAN 1
Are you going to cheat on her?
ANNIE
Shut up you, fucking little piece
of shit!
WOMAN 1
(to Fatimah)
I warn you.
SEAN
(imitating)
I warn you! Why don't you mind your
own business, bitch!
Professor Joyo enters. He looks at Annie. Annie smiles to
him.
CUT TO:
INT. UNIVERSITY SCHOOL ROOM. DAY
Students write on their test. Professor Joyo looks out
through the window and then back to his students.
Fatimah writes concentrated on her sheet. Annie, to her
side, peeks on her test. Sean, seated behind Fatimah,
half-covers his mouth.
SEAN
(whispering)
Question three B. Three B.
Fatimah doesn't reply. Sean looks at Annie. Annie looks at
Professor Joyo.
Professor Joyo nods his head and looks at Fatimah.
Annie snatches the sheet from Fatimah's desk. Annie hands it
out to Sean.
Fatimah turns around.
FATIMAH
(whispering and laughing)
Give it back to me!
Sean copies Fatimah's answers.
SEAN
Would you marry me?
FATIMAH
(blushed)
Do you...?
SEAN
I love your boobs!
Annie giggles. Professor Joyo looks at her. Fatimah writes
on a new sheet.
Sean copies the answers.
Woman 1 looks back at Fatimah.
Sean hands out Fatimah's test to Annie. Annie copies it.
Fatimah turns around.
FATIMAH
(to Sean; whispering)
Where is my test?
SEAN
(whispering)
Ask Annie.
Annie squeezes Fatimah's test into a ball of paper and
throws it towards Professor Joyo. Sean laughs. Fatimah
stands up to catch it. The ball of paper hits Professor Joyo
on his head.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(standing up)
Enough!
Fatimah looks at him in horror. Sean and Annie giggle.
Professor Joyo looks at them, who, all of a sudden, write on
their papers.
Professor Joyo picks up the ball of paper from the floor.
FATIMAH
I really apologize, Professor. I
just finished and...
PROFESSOR JOYO
Will you tell me you three were not
cheating on me? Annie! Sean!
Fatimah!
Fatimah looks at his friends, who struggle to conceal their
giggles.
CUT TO:
INT. PROFESSOR JOYO'S LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
Fatimah dines with Majhmut, her stepfather, a 65-year small
clean-shaved overweight old man.
MAJHMUT(V.O.)
You are the shame of this family!
FATIMAH
I am not your family!
MAJHMUT
If your mother were alive she would
slap you on your face! By Mohamed!
FATIMAH
Give me my share of the inheritance
and I will leave you!
MAJHMUT
I'm the one who decides what's the
best for you, you little prick!
FATIMAH
I won't marry you!
MAJHMUT
Do you have any other option left?
All the universities in this
country will ban you!
FATIMAH
I didn't do it. I told you. Two
friends asked for help and I...
MAJHMUT
You are only good at washing
dishes, darling. That's why I'd
love to you. 
FATIMAH
I'm your daughter!
MAJHMUT
My stepdaughter...
FATIMAH
Unbelievable! I should call the
police.
MAJHMUT
I'm a policeman! Listen! I know
what this Professor Joyo is up to.
He framed you.
FATIMAH
(firm)
Annie and Sean will be ousted too.
MAJHMUT
Annie won't allow it! Forget about
that whore and her pimp? Just get
married! I'm still young. I want to
help you! I want you to enjoy your
life!
Fatimah picks a slice of bread.
FATIMAH
You just want my money. Give me
Mom's inheritance.
MAJHMUT
Until you marry me, or until I die!
The will is very clear!
FATIMAH
Your mother rewrote it in her
deathbed! I don't believe you. Can
I get the butter, please?
MAJHMUT
(calmer)
Yasmin will arrive at any moment.
FATIMAH
I know. You must be happy!
MAJHMUT
I see Salim has already told you.
He's always happy to see you. I
wonder why.
FATIMAH
(quick)
He's a faithful husband.
MAJHMUT
You should thank him. He has very
kindly contacted five US
Universities on your behalf. Shame
on you! How could you cheat?
Fatimah picks up the butter. Majhmut snatches it.
MAJHMUT
(continuing)
You must be in shape for your
wedding, Fatimah.
Fatimah snatches the butter from her stepfather. He pulls it
back. It jumps over his face.
CUT TO:
EXT. IN FRONT OF MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. NIGHT
A taxi parks on the street. Salim, a 68-year old tall fellow
comes out and opens a door. Yasmin, a 50-year old woman
steps out. She wears a giant hat.
SALIM
Are you sure we have arrived to the
right place?
YASMIN
Have you taken your Alzheimer
pills, darling?
Fatimah comes out of the house. Majhmut follows her.
MAJHMUT
And you haven't taken care of the
laundry yet! Come back and clean
your mess...!
Majhmut recognizes them. Fatimah runs away.
YASMIN
(to Salim)
Isn't he a charming man? Taking
care of his house, just for us.
Majhmut sweeps his buttery face with his hands. Yasmin
embraces Majhmut. Salim nods his head.
SALIM
Asalaam Alaykum.
Majhmut nods his head.
SALIM
I think you need to wash your
face...
CUT TO:
EXT. IN FRONT OF PROFESSOR JOYO'S HOUSE. NIGHT.
House in front of river. Fatimah knocks over a heavy door.
Attached to the door, she discovers the statue of a devil
figure, who seems to stare at her.
The door opens. Rock music is heard. Professor Joyo comes
out smiling and drunk. He wears a bathrobe and a swimming
suit.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Fatimah! I... I'm expecting you
tomorrow!
FATIMAH
What I have to tell you won't take
too long, Professor.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I'm in the middle of a class...
He tries to close the door. Fatimah holds it.
FATIMAH
I accept.
PROFESSOR JOYO
What?
FATIMAH
You've won. I'll marry you.
ANNIE (O.S.)
Is everything all right, Professor?
PROFESSOR JOYO
Yes... everything is fine. I'm
so... Happy!
Fatimah looks dazzled.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(continuing)
Never mind. We'll celebrate..
tomorrow.
Annie comes out with two other girls--they wear bikinis.
ANNIE
Fatimah! Aren't you going to join
the party?
FATIMAH
Well! What are you doing here?
ANNIE
Professor Joyo understood I was not
cheating at all.
Sean comes out, wet and wearing a swiming suit
SEAN
Why did you leave the pool? The
guys are waiting!
ANNIE
Fatimah is here.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(apologetic)
Do you play water polo?
Visibly puzzled, Fatimah bangs the door.
CUT TO:
INT. MAJHMUT'S LIVING ROOM. NIGHT
Yasmin and Majhmut, seated on the same sofa, drink Oporto
wine.
YASMIN
To be famous in the States is a
common thing. One day, walking on
the street, Danny de Vito
approached me. He almost got into
my boobs. Can you believe it? I
thought I was going to suffer a
heart attack!
MAJHMUT
Were people amazed? I mean, did
they come to ask him for an
autograph?
Salim stands up on the background, by the window. He moves
pieces over a chess board.
YASMIN
By no means! People just went on
without even taking notice of him!
MAJHMUT
They must be tired to see so many
stars!
YASMIN
You see them everywhere! In England
he wouldn't have passed unnoticed,
of course.
MAJHMUT
(lusty, whispering)
Is Salim going out for a stroll
tonight?
Salim looks out through the window. He notices Fatimah, who,
lying on a bench across the street, looks at the sky.
YASMIN (V.O.)
Salim? He will spend hours in front
of that chess board--like an
autistic child. He is retired,
anyway.
(sassy)
And so boring--he knows it.
MAJHMUT
(whispering)
You must be fed up.
YASMIN
(suspire)
C'est ma vie.
(whispering)
That's why I came. I have some
business in mind. For you and me.
Yasmin introduces her hand into Majhmut's chest.
Salim approaches.
YASMIN
(continuing; loud)
Is it scratchy up here, too,
Majhmut?
MAJHMUT
A little bit lower.
YASMIN
(to Salim)
Where are you going, Darling?
SALIM
Just for a stroll.
YASMIN
But... How long will it take?
SALIM
About fifteen minutes.
YASMIN
All right... I'm gonna miss you
baby.
MAJHMUT
There! Perfect!
Salim puts on his jacket.
CUT TO:
EXT. BENCH IN FRONT OF MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. NIGHT
Fatimah looks at the full moon on the sky.
SALIM (O.S.)
This is for you, Fatimah.
He gives a white envelope to Fatimah. She gets it and looks
dazzled at Salim.
SALIM
May I?
Fatimah nods her head. Salim sits on the bench.
FATIMAH
Thanks.
SALIM
Won't you open it?
FATIMAH
What happened between we both is
over.
SALIM
Perseverance is a virtue.
(pause)
It has nothing to do with us.
FATIMAH
How is that every middle-age man I
know falls in love with me?
SALIM
Because you are the smartest girl
they have ever met. And...
FATIMAH
Yes?
SALIM
... you also have great boobs.
FATIMAH
Shut up!
SALIM
I'm not lying.
FATIMAH
You are the only man who gives me
credit for what I do. Perhaps I
should just accept I won't ever
marry a man of my age!
SALIM
Did Professor Joyo finally proposed
you?
FATIMAH
Yes.
SALIM
Sure you didn't... Did you?
FATIMAH
And Majhmut.
SALIM
Majhmut?
FATIMAH
I knew his intentions since the day
I met him. I'm sure he altered
Mum's will!
(beat)
I should just forget about them. I
had made up my mind never to become
and opera singer. So...
Insha'allah! I studied business
administration, and now, I can't
study at all! I will get a job as a
cashier...
SALIM
You don't have to be here Fatimah.
Fatimah opens the letter.
FATIMAH
(impatient)
What happened between we both was
wrong.
(pause)
I'm glad you didn't tell my aunt.
SALIM
Do you regret what happened?
FATIMAH
Yes, I do.
SALIM
But you seemed so happy. I know you
loved me!
FATIMAH
What about Yasmin?
SALIM
She has a crush on your father.
FATIMAH
That doesn't excuse us!
Fatimah reads the letter.
SALIM
I just found out she's a member of
Al Qaeda.
FATIMAH
This is from Temple University!
Fatimah looks smiling at Salim.
FATIMAH
Thanks Salim...
SALIM
I'm going to divorce her.
Fatimah looks at him. Salim stands up and takes her in his
hands.
SALIM
Then we'll get married.
FATIMAH
I... I have something for you too.
Fatimah takes out a gold medal from her purse.
FATIMAH
I want you to keep this medal.
Fatimah hands it out to Salim.
SALIM
It's beautiful...
Salim keeps the medal in the pocket of his shirt. Salim
kisses Fatimah. She kisses him.
Salim lifts her in his arms. They laugh. Salim's facial
expression turns into pain. He can't bear Fatimah's weight.
He half-faints. He stumbles. They fall on the ground,
rolling onto the middle of the street.
A police car stops in front of them. Siren lights.
YASMIN (O.S.)
Salim!
Salim pushes Fatimah away.
SALIM
Yes, darling?
Majhmut and Yasmin look at them from the front door of
Majhmut's house.
MAJHMUT
What the hell is going on between
you both?
YASMIN
I never thought you were going
to...
A police car stops in front of them. POLICEMAN 1 gets off
his car.
POLICEMAN 1
(to Fatimah)
Are you O.K., Mrs?
Fatimah stands up.
FATIMAH
Better than ever, officer!
POLICEMAN 1
And you, Sir?
Salim lies on the floor. He has fainted.
FATIMAH
Salim?
POLICEMAN 1
Sir?
YASMIN
Darling!
MAJHMUT
He's in coma!
POLICEMAN 1
(to his radio)
An ambulance to 24 Byron Street!
CUT TO:
INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM. NIGHT
Fatimah looks nervously to a BABY, who plays with a ball in
front of her.
Majhmut and Yasmin are seated at the opposite side of the
room.
YASMIN
(whispering)
I may get three hundred thousand
bucks out of this.
MAJHMUT
Couldn't you buy him a better
insurance?
YASMIN
He was so cheap.
A nurse approaches Fatimah.
YASMIN
(continuing)
Do you like boxing?
MAJHMUT
Yeah. You mean, in TV?
The nurse and Fatimah approach Majhmut and Yasmin.
YASMIN
Here comes that nigger again.
FATIMAH
What did you say you, bitch?
YASMIN
(sobbing)
And she is my niece.
NURSE
Are you Mr. Bhil's wife?
Yasmin sobs and nods positively.
NURSE
(continuing)
Your husband has survived.
YASMIN
Are you sure?
Yasmin takes her head in her hands.
NURSE
He was in coma, but... Are you all
right?
Fatimah looks at Yasmin, who screams and faints over
Majhmut's shoulder, falling onto the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. BOXING COURT. DAY
A multitude surrounds a gigantic boxing court. They scream
as two men fight ferociously. One of them is Sean.
Yasmin, wearing a bandage over her head, and Majhmut, sit
down in the first row.
MAJHMUT
How did you meet this guy?
YASMIN
By internet.
Majhmut looks at Sean, who hits furiously his RIVAL. Annie
screams at him from the first row.
MAJHMUT
Yeah!
YASMIN
He and his girlfriend will do
EVERYTHING to be Al Qaeda members.
ANNIE
Sean!
Sean looks at her and smiles. The Rival hits him on his
face.
Sean falls knocked out on the floor.
CUT TO:
INT. MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. DAY
Salim serves breakfast to Fatimah.
SALIM
I just called to the hospital. They
haven't heard of Yasmin and
Majhmut.
FATIMAH
Did you check the motels?
A bell is heard. Fatimah opens the door.
FATIMAH
(angry)
I already told you! I'm done with
you, professor!
Professor Joyo steps in. He sizes Fatimah's arms.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I doesn't matter. You have approved
the course, Fatimah!
Joyo kisses Fatimah on her mouth. Fatimah slaps him on his
face. He looks dazzled at her. After checking the room he
fixes his gaze on Salim. He approaches Salim.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(continuing; nervous)
It wasn't sexual harassment. You
saw that she jumped on me and...
Well, I regret to inform you that
your daughter has been expelled
from our Academic Institution. On
this envelope you will find the
reasons of her dismissal.
Professor Joyo delivers a white envelope to Salim.
SALIM
Is that it?
PROFESSOR JOYO
Yes!
SALIM
You can leave us now, then,
"professor".
PROFESSOR JOYO
But... I mean. Don't you want to
discuss this matter with me? Are
you aware that... For God's sake!
Your daughter's future is at the
stake! I can help her!
SALIM
How so?
PROFESSOR JOYO
I want to marry her.
SALIM
(laughing)
First, Fatimah is my fiance, Sir.
Second, you better run before I
smash your head.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I don't understand.
(to Fatimah)
Would you despise me for this old
fart?
SALIM
(furious)
Say that again!
PROFESSOR JOYO
Fuck you!
Salim hits him. Professor Joyo fells on the floor. He stands
up and runs away in horror to the second floor, followed
closely by Salim. He attempts to hide into a closet.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Help! This man is gonna kill me!
Yasmin steps in.
YASMIN
What's going on here? Salim! Aren't
you supposed to be at the hospital!
Professor Joyo escapes.
PROFESSOR JOYO
This man!
(he points out to Salim)
He's mad!
SALIM
Get the hell out of here, you
moron!
Salim advances towards him. Professor Joyo jumps out of an
open window.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Help!
CUT TO:
EXT. BACK WALL OF MAJHMUT'S HOUSE. DAY
Professor Joyo's body trembles on the frame of the window--
there is a gap of five meters between the window and the
ground.
Beneath, Majhmut approaches raising his arms.
MAJHMUT
I'll get you!
PROFESSOR JOYO
Help!
BACK TO SCENE:
INT. PROFESSOR JOYO'S HOUSE. DAY
Salim and Yasmin run to grasp Professor Joyo's hands. They
mingle their hands and Professor Joyo falls down.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Ah!
CUT TO:
EXT. BACK WALL OF PROFESSOR JOYO'S HOUSE. DAY
Open-eyes Majhmut lies on the floor. Professor Joyo stands
up unscathed.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I'm just fine! Thanks man! I...
Professor Joyo looks at Majhmut's still face. He bends down
and touches his neck.
PROFESSOR JOYO
You are... You...
Professor Joyo looks up to the upper window of Majhmut's
house, from where Salim and Yasmin look down at him.
PROFESSOR JOYO
He's dead!
CUT TO:
EXT. CEMENTERY. DAY
It rains. Wearing a black outfit, Fatimah stands up
accompanied by Salim, who holds an XXL umbrella. She looks
at a DIGGER, who throws earth over a ditch.
Groups of people move away.
SALIM
Now there is no reason for you to
stay here.
FATIMAH
(crying)
He wanted to marry me!
She turns around and meets Sean and Annie.
Sean opens his arms.
SEAN
Fatimah!
ANNIE
My dearest friend!
FATIMAH
Keep your compliments for Professor
Joyo.
SEAN
Huh?
ANNIE
We heard you are moving to the
States. Is that right?
Fatimah doesn't react.
ANNIE
(continuing)
Well. That's fabulous! We just
wanted to say bye bye to you. I
know we owe you an apology.
FATIMAH
So long.
Fatimah walks away. Salim follow her. Annie and Sean follow
them.
ANNIE
Aren't you a little bit rude with
your friends?
FATIMAH
All right!
They stop.
ANNIE
You won't keep a grudge against us,
will you? Professor Joyo just wants
to apologize to you. Come with your
mother and dine with us in the
Professor's bungalow!
FATIMAH
My mother?
SEAN
Yasmin!
FATIMAH
She is not my mother!
ANNIE
Whoever! A barbecue by his swimming
pool. Come one! He just wants to
marry you!
Fatimah turns around.
FATIMAH
Pool? With this weather?
They look at Professor Joyo, who from the distance talks to
Yasmin under the protection of an umbrella.
Fatimah looks suspiciously at them. Finally she embraces
Annie.
FATIMAH
Forgive me. I'm acting as a fool.
I'm moving for good and...
ANNIE
Don't say it!  We have a surprise
for you!
SEAN
We bought tickets to Philadelphia
via Bogotá, Colombia!
ANNIE
Yeah!
FATIMAH
(worried)
You...?
Drenched Sean and Annie smile at Fatimah.
CUT TO:
EXT. UNIVERSITY'S GREEN AREA. DAY
Nearby, Yasmin talks to Professor Joyo.
YASMIN
They wouldn't have believed you.
The police dismiss it as an
accident. 
PROFESSOR JOYO
I'm so sorry that your...
YASMIN
(flirting)
I lost a friend, but I found a real
man.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I really appreciate your help. Is
there anything I can do for you?
YASMIN
(pragmatic)
Actually, there is...
CUT TO:
EXT. AIRPORT. DAY
An airplane takes flight.
CUT TO:
INT. AIRPLANE CABIN. DAY
Seated besides a window, Fatimah looks at the sky through
her window. A PASSENGER sits by her side.
Rows ahead, Yasmin and Salim drink cocktails.
YASMIN
Why is she doing just by herself?
It's not very polite of her to take
a second-class seat.
SALIM
I wanted to have a word with you.
YASMIN
I know, Darling. I also have two
eyes. I don't know about that poor
Professor who got almost killed. It
would have been your fault. Now,
what should I think of you and this
suspicious idea of bringing that
half-breed fatty whore to our
house?
SALIM
She is a cute girl.
YASMIN
And a gold-digger!
SALIM
SHe just got her inheritance!
Yasmin looks at Salim's chest. There we see the medal
Fatimah gave him, hanging from a golden chain.
YASMIN
Where did you get that from?
SALIM
Uh! Well, I wanted to tell you.
Fatimah gave it to me.
YASMIN
You are lovers!
SALIM
I want us to get divorced, Yasmin.
YASMIN
Salim!
She stares at him. He copes with her gaze with
determination.
YASMIN
(continuing)
It will cost you, my dear. I'm a
faithful wife.
Salim hands out a set of pictures to Yasmin.
She looks at them--we don't see them.
YASMIN
(continuing)
But.. This is disgusting! Did you
hire a detective? You, bastard.
SALIM
Are you now willing to divorce?
YASMIN
(sweet)
May I keep the Florida house,
Darling?
FADE OUT:
TITLE CARD
Philadelphia, USA. Five months
later.
FADE IN:
EXT. CITY HALL. DAY
View of City Hall from the Art Museum of Philadelphia.
Yasmin stands up on the top of the stairs. Imam OSAMA
accompanies her. He is a 55-year old thin man. They look
towards the door of the Museum.
IMAM OSAMA
So, she's the lost believer.
YASMIN
What a plan!
Fatimah walks. She handles a scholar bag. She talks to
DIANE, a 30-year old African-American woman.
DIANE
Does your aunt refer to you as a
nigger? Are you sure?
FATIMAH
I heard that.
DIANE
That's politically incorrect. You
can sue her! You are not even a
nigger! And who is that guy?
FATIMAH
She spends most of her time with
lovers.
DIANE
I can see..
They approach Yasmin.
YASMIN
(smiling)
Fatimah! Thanks for coming. This is
Imam Osama. Can we speak frankly?
Yasmin looks at Diane.
YASMIN
(continuing; to Fatimah)
I mean, you and us.
FATIMAH
This is Diane. She studies Opera as
well.
Imam Osama, Yasmin and Diane nod their heads
IMAM OSAMA
(with an exaggerated smile)
Assalamu Alaykun!
YASMIN
Nice meeting you!
DIANE
Are you members of Al Qaeda?
IMAM OSAMA
Excuse me?
YASMIN
What a funny sense of humor.
Diane and Fatimah step down the stairs and get into a Rolls
Royce. Diane and the Imam follow them.
DIANE
Do you really believe we are of a
different kind, Imam?
IMAM OSAMA
As I can see...
YASMIN
I would like you to introduce you
to some young men, Fatimah. A group
of musicians.
IMAM OSAMA
The ones who are into jazz?
YASMIN
Their main singer was killed in a
car accident last week. And, I
don't know why I thought of you.
IMAM OSAMA
(pause)
Your aunt loves you Fatimah. She
already found a job for you.
FATIMAH
(to Diane)
Would you go with me?
DIANE
If you trust them.
Diane opens the door of her Rolls Royce.
IMAM OSAMA
(pale of envy)
I see your boss drives a fancy car.
FATIMAH
(to Diane)
You should bring your Ferrari to
the school. This one is too white.
DIANE
(to the Imam)
Why don't you go ahead?
The Imam and Yasmin walk away.
IMAM OSAMA
(whispering)
The world is upside down.
YASMIN
Democrats...
CUT TO:
EXT. TERRY'S FRONT YARD. DAY
A group of musicians play a bad song. TERRY, the guitarist,
is a 30-year old thin and sleek fellow--his eyes are a
prominent trait of his face. MARTIN, the bass, is a 35-year
old man with a large nose. STEVE, the organist, is a 40-year
old fellow.
Terry screams the end of the song. Imam Osama and Yasmin
clap their hands.
IMAM OSAMA
Insha'allah! You are good! You,
Terry MacMillan!
TERRY
Thanks! I won't forget that! I
won't forget that!
YASMIN
(to Fatimah)
Would you be interested, then?
Fatimah looks at Diane, who smiles with irony.
FATIMAH
This music is just a little bit
edgy for me.
YASMIN
Nonsense.
FATIMAH
I'm an opera singer.
TERRY
What does Oprah recommend this
week, guys?
STEVE
Yeah!
SAMANTHNA
(opening her mouth)
Unbelievable!
MARTIN
One, two three!
Diane looks at her watch.
DIANE
I have a doctor's appointment,
Fatimah.
FATIMAH
I can go with you.
YASMIN
(quick)
Wait! Stay with us, darling, just
for ten minutes. I'll bring you
home.
DIANE
Call me tonight. God bless you!
Diane walks away. Terry plays the guitar.
IMAM OSAMA
Your friend is an infidel.
FATIMAH
She is a Christian.
IMAM OSAMA
Still she is an infidel.
FATIMAH
My grand mother was Christian as
well, Imam.
IMAM OSAMA
Was she?
TERRY
No need to worry about, Fatimah.
You are a true believer to us.
FATIMAH
Thanks for the compliment.
(to Yasmin)
Are we going home?
Fatimah picks up her bag from the ground. Yasmin Gives a
subtle look to Terry.
YASMIN
Oh! I forgot I should go to city
Hall first.
FATIMAH
But...
TERRY
(to Fatimah)
That's all right! I'll drive you
all the way home!
CUT TO:
EXT. TERRY'S CAR. DAY
Terry drives the car through Philadelphia.
TERRY
My family has made history. That's
something my girlfriends should be
aware of. My great grand father was
the first white Muslim in the US.
FATIMAH
(ironic)
He must be so proud of you.
TERRY
I can't tell darling, he's with
three hundred virgins.
Fatimah rolls her eyes.
TERRY
(continuing, doing his best)
Do I like you?
FATIMAH
You mean, as a musician?
TERRY
Uh?
FATIMAH
I hate heavy metal. Still it is,
how to put it? Lucrative...
TERRY
Look at what?
FATIMAH
Sorry?
TERRY
Look at it! Got it! Yes, it's a
nice medal!
Terry shows Fatimah the medal she had given to Salim.
FATIMAH
Insha'allah! How did you get it?
TERRY
A friend of mine gave it to me. She
had a crush on me. But I was just
teasing her. She was a night-club
dancer, you know.
FATIMAH
Do you think she bought it?
TERRY
Don't know! Probably she just got
if from a customer. Those places
are full of silly old men.
FATIMAH
(visible hurt)
I see.
TERRY
You look upset...
Terry laughs.
FATIMAH
I can get off here, if you don't
mind.
TERRY
Sure!
Terry crosses two lanes at once and parks his car. The car
behind him has changed speedily its lane to avoid an
accident. The driver passes him blowing the horn.
DRIVER
What's wrong with your lane, dude?
TERRY
Thanks, man!
Terry comes out of his car and searches on the ground.
Fatimah gets off the car--it is a pink car.
FATIMAH
What are you doing down there?
TERRY
That guy is a jerk! Wha is wrong
with my lane┬┐
FATIMAH
Don't ask me!
TERRY
Do you like my car?
FATIMAH
Well, it's a little bit gay.
TERRY
Yea! I wanted to bring it to the
parade and then to blow myself in
it with all those decadent
capitalist guys!
FATIMAH
Are you serious?
TERRY
Listen!
FATIMAH
Yeah?
TERRY
Would you like to go out for a
date?
FATIMAH
(smiling)
That's very nice of you, but...
TERRY
I know a lot of pole dancers who
would die to marry me. But I like
good Muslim girls, babe!
FATIMAH
(impatient)
You don't have to.
TERRY
They say I have luck with all sort
of women! Personality is all, you
know.
Fatimah looks at him with skepticism.
FATIMAH
Do you have a time in mind?
Terry looks at his watch.
TERRY
Three twenty.
FATIMAH
I mean... At what time are you
going to pick me up?
TERRY
Oh! Eight! Eight twenty, just after
the football game!
CUT TO:
INT. PHILADELPHIA'S AIRPORT. DAY
Annie and Sean walk along a large alley. They wear wool
coats.
SEAN
We don't have to pick up the
luggage, Baby.
ANNIE
Didn't you listen to Yasmin? Al
Qaeda will flay your skin off if
you don't do it.
SEAN
They are getting into my nerves,
Annie. They didn't even allow me to
open the red bag.
ANNIE
(whispering)
It's just drugs.
SEAN
You knew it?
Sean steps back. Annie pushes him on.
ANNIE
Did you think they were going to
grant us fifty thousand dollars,
just for nothing?
They enter into the baggage claim hall.
Sean gasps. The place is crowded with passengers and police
officers.
POLICEMAN 2 talks through a walkie-talkie.
POLICEMAN 3 lashes an unfriendly dog.
Sean sweeps with his handkerchief heavy drops of sweat on
his face. He walks on.
Luggage of all colors and sizes roll over the electric tray.
People pick up their property.
Sean looks around and fixes his gaze on POLICE WOMAN 1. She
looks at him. Sean turns his gaze towards the baggage tray.
Annie picks up a small black luggage.
ANNIE
(continuing)
There it comes.
Annie looks to a red bag rolling over the electric tray.
Sean takes Annie's black bag.
SEAN
I will take yours. It's heavier.
Annie snatches it.
ANNIE
Are you a man? Come on, boxer! Pick
it up!
They both struggle for the black bag.
Policemen 4 and 5 talk to each other. They stare at Sean and
Annie.
Sean looks at them. Suddenly determined, he gazes the red
bag. He moves forward to pick it up, but it slips under his
fingers.
He pushes people and jumps over the tray.
He picks up the bag, steps back and fells onto the ground,
hitting 87-year old MRS. CANCINO by accident.
Mrs. Cancino holds a bag-carrying-car, which rolls away
under Sean's push. She struggles to balance four heavy
suitcases in it.
MRS. CANCINO
What the hell...!
Sean steps forward and holds the bag-carrying-car. He shoves
the suitcases in. Sean's face is tense by the effort .
SEAN
I got it! I got it!
Sean is overwhelmed by the weight. The bag-carrying-car
slowly rolls back against Mrs. Cancino, who screams and
stumbles.
Sean drops the suitcases in order to hold Mrs. Cancino. He
supports her just before she falls on the floor. Between
these two actions he gets rid of the red bag--it slips on
the floor till it reaches the shoes of Policeman 3.
The dog sniffs the bag.
POLICEMAN 3
(to the dog)
Anything fishy, Rex?
The dog barks joyful at Policeman 3, who picks up the bag
and walks towards Sean.
Mrs. Cancino organizes the four suitcases in her
bag-carrier--displaying unexpected strength.
MRS. CANCINO
You should learn to respect the
elderly!
ANNIE
He just tried to help you, Mom.
MRS. CANCINO
I'm not your Mom.
(to Policeman 3)
These people tried to switch my
luggage, Officer.
Mrs. Cancino leaves.
POLICEMAN 3
Whose bag is this?
SEAN
Not mine. I mean, yes. I didn't
drop it.
Annie picks up the luggage.
ANNIE
(smiling)
Thank you, Officer.
Policeman 3 leaves. Annie handles the bag to Sean.
CUT TO:
INT.  LIVING ROOM AT SALIM'S HOUSE. DAY
A CD is introduced by Salim's hand into a CD player. "Soave
sia il vento" is heard.
Salim, wearing a white t-shirt, looks at Fatimah, who lies
in a couch.
SALIM
It's a farewall song to our beloved
ones.
FATIMAH
Why are they leaving?
SALIM
Because they wanted to feel how
fragile love can be.
SAMANTA
Did you love Yasmin?
SALIM
Of course I did.
FATIMAH
Did she give you a hard time? I
mean, now...
SALIM
On the contrary. She was vary
Happy. She got what she wanted.
FATIMAH
Does she plan to marry someone
else?
SALIM
Why do you ask?
FATIMAH
I saw her with an Imam.
SALIM
(pause)
Can I kiss you?
FATIMAH
I was very clear. I don't want to
play until we get married.
(beat)
Where is the medal I gave you?
Salim holds his breath.
SALIM
In a security box...
FATIMAH
I want to see it.
SALIM
I...
SAMANTA
Are you sure?
SALIM
All right. I won't lie to you.  I
lost it.
FATIMAH
I see.
Salim approaches her.
SALIM
Why do you...
FATIMAH
Don't touch me!
SALIM
Don't you think you are
overreacting?
FATIMAH
No, I have to tell you. I can't go
out with you tomorrow evening.
Salim looks surprised at her.
FATIMAH
(continuing)
I have a date with a musician.
SALIM
(sad)
But you... That's all right. I'm
sorry...
FATIMAH
(nervous)
I have to call someone.
CUT TO:
INT. PHILADELPHIA'S AIRPORT. DAY
A hall way. People walk on, carrying their luggage. Custom
officers stop and question people. CUSTOM OFFICER 1 talks to
Mrs. Cancino.
MRS. CANCINO
This is outrageous!
CUSTOM OFFICER 1
You must follow me, Mrs Cancino.
MRS. CANCINO
I won't do it! I won't allow you to
put your hands on my suitcases!
They are full of presents I bought
for my American grandchildren! Not
again!
Mrs. Cancino takes a bottle out of her bossom and sprays
Custum officer 1. She pushes forward her luggage. Custom
officer 1 smiles like a baby.
CUSTOM OFFICER 1
Do you also have a gift for me Mum?
Mrs. Cancino takes a Santander peasant doll and gives it to
Custom officer 1.
CUSTOM OFFICER 1
Thanks Mummy!
Custom officer 1 shrinks his shoulders. Mrs. Cancino rolls
her suitcases away.
CUSTOM OFFICER 1
(to another passanger)
Come in, Mom!
 CUT TO:
INT. PHILADELPHIA'S AIRPORT. DAY
Professor Joyo, disguised with a fake beard & mustache,
glasses and cap, walks behind Sean and Annie. Wearing short
pants and a t-shirt, he carries a gigantic green suitcase.
He chews gum.
ANNIE (O.S.)
Cold blood. We are close.
Sean and Annie walk in front of Professor Joyo. The exit
gate is wide open in front of them.
Professor Joyo observes them. His hands grip his bag.
IMAM OSAMA (O.S.)
Where do you come from, Sir?
Annie and Sean stop one yard in front of the exit gate.
ANNIE
From Europe.
Imam Osama, now dressed as a Custom Officer, looks at Sean.
He looks at Professor Joyo.
IMAM OSAMA
(to Professor Joyo)
You can go on, Sir.
Professor Joyo exits.
IMAM OSAMA
(continuing; to Sean and
Annie)
You both, please, follow me.
Sean fades and falls over the ground.
CUT TO:
INT. TERRY'S FRONT YARD. DAY
Martin smokes. Steve drinks beer. Martin hands out his
cigarette to Steve.
MARTIN
This shit takes you straight to the
milky way, man! I feel like blowing
up the tripping city!
Steve smokes.
STEVE
Shut up! You say another word about
City Hall and I smash your shitty
head.
MARTIN
I didn't mention City Hall! You
drug-addict maniac serial killer!
Terry comes out and crosses the yard. He wears a new green
suit, yellow trousers, red tie and handkerchief. Martin and
Steve follow him--during the dialogue he will leave the
house to get into his car.
MARTIN
(continuing)
You look awesome in that suit, Man.
TERRY
Miss Piggy told me she likes
colors.
STEVE
Did you get the rings?
Terry hands him out a small blue-velvet box. Steve looks at
two golden rings.
TERRY
28 karats, man. I paid five
thousand dollars for them. A
fucking bargain.
STEVE
What? You are just wasting our
money. You, moron!
TERRY
I'm no moron. I even got a
discount.
STEVE
Couldn't you find some fucking
tinsel rings?
MARTIN
Huh! Huh! Don't bother him!
STEVE
Right! Terry must get hold of Miss
Piggy! But what about the money?
Martin looks at his watch.
MARTIN
We must meet the Imam in two hours!
CUT TO:
INT. PHILADELPHIA'S HOTEL. DAY
Professor Joyo opens the door, takes out his hat and glasses
and embraces Yasmin. The green bag lies on the floor.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(laughing)
You should have seen their faces!
YASMIN
Don't even tell me! That was pretty
good, Professor Joyo!
Yasmin takes off his fake beard and mustache and kisses him
on his mouth.
YASMIN
(continuing)
Let me see the paste!
Professor Joyo places the bag on the bed. He opens it. It is
full of plastic bags--each of them full of white powder.
Yasmin, laughing hysterically, opens a bottle of champagne
and serves three cups.
Imam Osama, now wearing a black suit, enters. He holds
Sean's red bag.
IMAM OSAMA
Are you sick? This is not the place
to show off!
Yasmin gives him a cup of champagne.
YASMIN
(authoritative)
Imam! Com on! Let's celebrate.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(almost crying of happiness)
┬┐Can I get my papers now?
Imam Osama approaches the window. He looks beyond.
INSERT:
EXT. PHILADELPHIA STREET--CORNER. DAY
MARCIANO and SEPULVEDA, two gangsters, stand up on a street
corner. They watch the street. They wear dark suits and dark
glasses.
IMAM OSAMA (O.S.)
Shut up and close that bag! There
is nothing to brag about yet.
BACK TO SCENE:
INT. PHILADELPHIA'S HOTEL. DAY
IMAM OSAMA
Professor Joyo should deliver
first.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Who?
Yasmin closes the bag and gives it to Imam Osama.
YASMIN
(to Professor Joyo)
We count on you, Sammy. The Imam
has service at seven.
Professor Joyo looks at her in horror.
PROFESSOR JOYO
My part of the deal was to bring
the luggage. I did it!
Out of Professor Joyo's gaze, Imam Osama opens the closet
and opens the bag.
He takes out out of it a small gadget with a flickering
light. The Imam closes the bag.
YASMIN
Once you do it, we'll give you your
American residency. You don't want
to come back to Brighton. They may
reopen the case of Osama's death.
The Imam hands out the bag to Professor Joyo.
IMAM OSAMA
Ready?
CUT TO:
INT. POLICE STATION. DAY
Annie cries and filters to someone we don't see. She is
seated on a bench. INSPECTOR MACAULAY faces her.
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
We found fifty grams of cocaine in
your luggage.
ANNIE
I swear to God I didn't know it.
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
You might spend 10 years in prison,
Mrs.
ANNIE
Sorry, it's just that... You remind
me of so many Hollywood stars...
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
(flattered)
What do you mean, madam?
ANNIE
I'm awfully sorry... Yes, I didn't
know anything. I swear it. That
man, Sean--he invited me to visit
his friend...
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
Who?
ANNIE
Fatimah Hesbani. He had some kind
of dealings with her. Don't ask me
more, please. It makes me nervous.
Fatimah appears to be an innocent
girl, but she's a very dangerous
woman. I can't even talk...
She cries.
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
We got intelligence that fifty
kilograms of cocaine went into the
market today. It seems the customs
were fooled by the Cancino family.
Their grandmother makes Ma Baker
look like Mother Teresa! If you
help me to catch that Colombian
Familia, the US government will
offer you a house with three rooms
and a terrace, plus an annual
income of fifty thousand dollars!
ANNIE
(smiling)
Do you have rooms in Hawai?
Inspector Macaulay shows his profile to Annie.
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
So, do I look like George Clooney?
CUT TO:
EXT. WEST PHILADELPHIA CAFE. DAY.
Fatimah drinks a cappuccino. She talks to Diane, who smokes.
DIANE
Forget that guy. He's a fake.
FATIMAH
I know he's not very bright, but...
He can help me to forget Salim.
DIANE
You love Salim! Stay with him!
FATIMAH
I don't know Salim. I just found
out he goes to nightclubs.
DIANE
We don't know anybody. Did you date
any guys before, Fatimah?
FATIMAH
(blushed)
Well...
DIANE
Forget about Terry.
FATIMAH
I have already accepted his
invitation for a date.
DIANE
(sigh)
Whatever.
CUT TO:
INT. GANGSTER'S DEN. NIGHT
A dark basement, scarcely lit. The green suitcase is open by
Marciano's hands. He takes out a knife with dexterity and
opens a hole in one of them.
Marciano introduces one of his fingers in the bag. He tastes
the white powder.
Sepulveda and Professor Joyo look attentively at him.
MACHETE and ERUPTO, two giant gangsters, stand before the
entrance.
Marciano nods his head in a gesture of approval.
Sepulveda gives a bag to Professor Joyo. He opens it. It is
stuffed with dollar bills.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Thank you, Se├▒ores!
Professor Joyo closes it. Machete takes out a machete from
his coat and presses it over P. Joyo's throat. Professor
Joyo gasps.
PROFESSOR JOYO
(continuing)
The northeastern branch of Al Qaeda
is with me!
MARCIANO
That's what worries us. If we get
into trouble, we may blame your
fucking terrorism.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Oh, no! I can assure you, this coke
hasn't been poisoned!
Marciano waves his hand and Machete keeps his gun.
MARCIANO
I wanted to hear that.
Professor Joyo steps back.
MARCIANO
(continuing)
Listen to me!
Professor Joyo turns around.
MARCIANO
(continuing)
If we see any cop sniffing around
here, we'll make a chili sauce with
your cheeks and buttocks, and we
send it to your family as a gift.
Do you get it?
Machete giggles. Professor Joyo leaves.
CUT TO:
INT. AL QAEDA HEADQUARTER. NIGHT
A group of about twenty Al Qaeda members, wearing turbans,
listen to Imam Osama, who, standing on a 4-feet wooden
stage, speaks before a microphone. He wears a purple outfit.
There are some people seated around the Imam; amongst them
Terry, Steve and Martin.
Professor Joyo stands on the right side of the Imam. Yasmin
stands on the left side.
IMAM OSAMA
It is with deep sorrow that we see
many brothers and sisters waste
their lives without claiming the
supremacy of Al Qaeda! Are we going
to forgive them?
AL QAEDA CROWD
No!
IMAM OSAMA
We must hit first all those
infidels who don't understand we
are the chosen of Allah!
TERRY
(jumping to the roof)
Yeah! Hurray! Long live Al Qaeda!
Yeah! Hurray! Hurray!
People look at him with blank expressions on their faces.
Terry, visibly ashamed, wears his turban.
IMAM OSAMA
We must turn this system upside
down, brothers. We truly believe in
compassion, brotherhood and love,
yes! But we believe it for the true
believers!
AL QAEDA CROWD
Yeah! Yeah!
IMAM OSAMA
We welcome today a saint and a
matriarch! From the unfaithful
continent, Professor Joyo and
Yasmin!
Yasmin and Professor Joyo enter. He wears an oversize Al
Qaeda Turban; she, a veil.
People cry and clap. The Imam kisses Yasmin on her cheek.
She smiles back at him.
Professor Joyo spins along the stage unable to see, her
hands trying to take out his Turban.
Al Qaeda WOMAN 1 stands up before the microphone. She holds
a notebook on her hands.
Silence. Imam Osama guides Yasmin to a chair. They both sit
down.
Professor Joyo goes on spinning clumsily his body on the
stage, until falling out before the audience.
PROFESSOR JOYO
Aaaaaaaaaah!
AL QAEDA WOMAN 1
It is my pleasure, brothers and
sisters, to announce our Ayatolah.
Would the candidates stand up,
please?
Imam Osama and Al Qaeda MEMBERS 1 & 2 stand up.
Professor Joyo stands up, managing to take off his Turban.
Martin pulls Professor Joyo down from his sleeve.
MARTIN
(whispering)
Sit down!
Professor Joyo falls down on the legs of a Al Qaeda WOMAN 2.
AL QAEDA WOMAN 2
What the hell?
Al Qaeda woman 2 pushes Professor Joyo away, throwing him
onto the floor.
Imam Osama smiles very confident.
AL QAEDA WOMAN 1
And our new president is Mahmut
Hakro!
Al Qaeda member 1 goes to the pulprit. People clap. Revered
Osama's smile vanishes. He looks at Yasmin's upset
countenance.
CUT TO:
INT. TERRY'S APARTMENT. NIGHT
Terry sleeps in his bed. Knocks on the door are heard once
and again. There are cans of beer, pizza boxes and dirty
silware all around the room. A portrait of Osama Bin Laden
hangs onto a wall.
Terry wakes up and stands up. He wears a clean suit, but his
hair is puffy and dirty.
He opens the door. Imam Osama and Yasmin enter visibly
upset.
Terry goes into the bathroom. Yasmin follows him. Terry
shaves with a machine.
YASMIN
Bye Mahomed! Don't you know you
have a date in ten minutes?
TERRY
I'm ready!
YASMIN
Won't you take a shower?
TERRY
That's all right.
Terry inmerses his head in the loo, then takes it out and
dries it with a towel.
TERRY
Can you pass me the perfume,
please?
CUT TO:
INT. SALIM'S HOUSE. NIGHT
Salim, seated before his dinner table, drinks a cup of wine.
Fatimah walks downstairs, from the upper floor.
Salim stands up. He looks at her in admiration. Fatimah
wears a white dress that shapes her prominent breasts. Her
face and hair have changed.
FATIMAH
I'll be back before midnight.
SALIM
I just prepared dinner and I
thought, perhaps, if you want..
A ring is heard. Salim opens the door.
Terry steps in. He carries a red rose on his hand. Fatimah
approaches him.
TERRY
That dress is too tight, babe.
Fatimah takes the rose from his hand.
FATIMAH
(impatient)
What lotion do you use?
Terry catches the rose back, snaps it and places it in his
jacket buttonhole.
TERRY
You like it? Yes, I know, I know...
FATIMAH
(impatient)
Insha'allah!
Terry looks at his watch.
TERRY
(continuing)
If we dine before nine we'll see
Leno's show.
Fatimah holds Terry's arm. Salim opens the door.
SALIM
Have I seen you before?
Terry's smile vanishes as he looks at Salim.
TERRY
I've never been in court...
Terry grasps Fatimah's hand and leaves. Salim walks to the
dinner table, where he looks at a served dinner.
CUT TO:
INT. AL QAEDA HEADQUARTER ROOM. NIGHT
The gangster's suitcase lies over a table. Imam Osama takes
its bills out and organizes them in piles.
To his side, Yasmin hands out a small amount of money to
Steve, who wears dark glasses.
STEVE
Is that it?
IMAM OSAMA
You will get your complete share
once the operation be over.
Steve takes his glasses off and looks at the pile of money.
YASMIN
It's for our missionary work in
Central America.
STEVE
(credulus)
Yarhamkom Allah.
He leaves the room. Yasmin embraces the Imam.
IMAM OSAMA
Was he the last one?
YASMIN
Yes. These guys trust me, my dear.
She intends to kiss him. The Imam walks away.
IMAM OSAMA
First, we must keep this money in a
safe place.
Professor Joyo enters. His hair is messy.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I want my whole share! I won't risk
my life again. I want my money!
YASMIN
Professor Joyo! Be kind with the
Imam! He wasts to save the world
from the decadence of Capitalism.
PROFESSOR JOYO
I don't care!
IMAM OSAMA
You are worst than Cain!
YASMIN
(to Professor Joyo)
We better leave him alone! He is
quite upset.
PROFESSOR JOYO
But...
YASMIN
Philadelphia is so insecure,
Professor. Will you come with me to
my hotel? I'll invite you to a cup
of tea.
CUT TO:
INT. BAR. NIGHT
Fatimah and Terry, seated around a small table, chat.
Fatimah drinks a cocktail. Terry drinks a pint of beer and
eats a huge plate of lasagna.
TERRY
I will make a lot of money. Guys
like Mohamde Ali and Michael Jordan
started just like me.
FATIMAH
Isn't Michael Jordan a Christiam?
TERRY
Oh, yeah. I confuse him with the
other guy, Malcom X.
Sound of a broken glass. CUSTOMERS 1 and 2 fight.
FATIMAH
This place is a little bit rough
for a date.
TERRY
You are so right! Would you like to
go out for a walk?
Customer 1 pushes customer 2 over their table.
CUSTOMER 1
You, mother fucker asshole!
Customer 1 and 2 jump out the table.
TERRY
Aren't they funny?
Fatimah stands up and exits.
TERRY
(continuing; filling his mouth
with food)
Wait! Let's split the bill!
CUT TO:
EXT. PINE STREET. NIGHT
Fatimah and Terry walk on. The street is dirty.
FATIMAH
Why are we going this way?
TERRY
I like this area of the city.
Everything is cheaper!
Fatimah watches a BEGGAR, who sleepy lies on the sidewalk.
Hidden some yards ahead, Steve and Martin, wearing black
clothes, cover their faces.
FATIMAH
Isn't it dangerous?
TERRY
Not with me, baby.
Steve and Martin appear. Steve handles a knife. Martin, a
club.
STEVE
Your purse or your life!
Terry hits Martin, who falls on the floor.
Fatimah screams. Terry looks at Steve. Steve nods his head
towards Fatimah. Terry hushes up Fatimah by covering her
mouth with his hand.
TERRY
Don't scream! The police can hear
us.
FATIMAH
That's what I am trying to do!
Terry looks surprised at her.
Steve takes his head between his hands.
STEVE
(to Fatimah)
If you don't shut up we'll kill
you!
Martin stands up.
MARTIN
Give me your money! You, fucking
asshole!
TERRY
(remembering his text)
You won't touch... Miss Piggy!
Martin and Steve look at each other. Steve grasps Fatimah's
arms. He places his knife on her throat.
STEVE
Give us your money or I will cut
her fucking throat!
TERRY
Hey! Did you call me moron?
STEVE
You, Moron!
Terry jumps over Martin, who is easily put down. Steve
throws Fatimah on the floor and copes with Terry.
Terry jumps in the air and falls down. Steve jumps on him
and places his knife on Terry's hand.
STEVE
(continuing; whispering)
Take it!
Terry snatches the knife and throws it away. He screams as a
karate instructor, springs up and beats Steve.
STEVE
(continuing)
You broke my nose!
Steve runs away. Terry approaches Martin and kicks him on
the floor.
MARTIN
Not so hard, man!
TERRY
What?
Martin is knocked out. Terry grasps Fatimah's hand.
TERRY
(continuing)
Let's go.
FATIMAH
What about them? Aren't you going
to call the police?
TERRY
(smiling)
The police? For such a scam? Come
on!
Terry drags her away.
CUT TO:
EXT. DRIVE THROUGH. NIGHT.
Sepulveda's car is parked besides the microphone boot. A
thin BIMBO accompanies him.
PROFESSOR JOYO
My name is Professor Joyo, what can
I do for you today?
SEPULVEDA
I want a double chesse burger with
a soda and twisted french fries.
IMAM OSAMA (V.O.)
(persuasive)
Would you like a creamy double
chocolate milshake instead of the
soda?
SEPULVEDA
All right, but...
IMAM OSAMA
Do you want to oversize them?
SEPULVEDA
Ok...
IMAM OSAMA
Would you like a vanilla
cheesecake? You get two per one
dollar!
SEPULVEDA
That's fine! What about you babe?
BIMBO
I just want a salad.
SEPULVEDA
You heard her!
IMAM OSAMA
It's 10,43. Please drive through
the next window.
Sepulveda drives through. He stops besides the window. He
recieves the package and hands it out to the Bimbo. He pays.
The Bimbo takes the hamburger out and gives it to Sepulveda,
who looks at it.
SEPULVEDA
Yummy yummy!
He's gonna bite when he gets a shot through his head.
BIMBO
Ah!
Imam Osama, wearing Profesor Joyo's clothes, looks at him
from the counter. He jumps out and runs.
IMAM OSAMA
Allah is great!
CUT TO:
INT. STATE PRISON. NIGHT
Sean is introduced by a guard to a cabin. As he sits down he
sees Annie--she is seated in front of him, across a glass.
SEAN
Annie! How did you get out?
ANNIE
(sobbing)
I have lived a nightmare, Sean. I
can't stand this anymore. I don't
know anybody in this country. I
need to see someone!
SEAN
Haven't you talked to Fatimah!
ANNIE
Not at all. She is your friend,
afterall. Do you have her address?
Her phone number?
SEAN
666 666 6666
Annie stops sobbing. She smiles and stands up.
ANNIE
Thanks, Darling.
SEAN
Are you leaving?
ANNIE
I don't want to see you again,
Sean. You won't abuse of our
frindship again.
CUT TO:
INT. STATE PRISON. NIGHT
Annie enters to a room, where Inspector Macaulay stands up.
He handles a cell phone on his hands. The voice of Sean is
weakly heard.
SEAN (O.S.)
Don't leave me, Annie! I still love
you! What have they done to you?
Don't believe them! They just want
to put us behind bars forever!
Annie!
ANNIE
Did we nail him?
INSPECTOR MACAULAY
You did a good job.
(through the cell)
I want microphones on every corner
of that house. I will be there in
fifteen minutes.
CUT TO:
EXT. TERRY'S CAR. NIGHT
Terry parks in front of Salim's house.
TERRY
Those ruffians didn't know who they
were dealing with.
FATIMAH
They looked so nervous...
TERRY
Thay must be! I almost killed them!
FATIMAH
I was quite scared when one of them
put his knife on my throat...
TERRY
Ah, yeah! But I saved you.
FATIMAH
Don't you think you put my life at
risk?
TERRY
The promised me not to...
SAMANTA
(suspitious)
Yes?
Terry offers her a golden ring.
TERRY
(continuing)
I want to marry you on the 18th of
August--at 10 in the morning.
Fatimah watches very surprised how Terry introduces the ring
on her finger.
FATIMAH
But! I mean... You! Are you?
TERRY
I am a straight man, Fatimah. You
should marry me, so that you can
get a green card, have a family and
enjoy the American dream. Maybe you
won't get it today, maybe not
tomorrow, but someday you will,
sure. Now, be a good girl and
promise to marry me on the 18th at
noon.
FATIMAH
But, that's in two weeks!
TERRY
Babe! This is not time to
wiggle-waggle! I just proposed you.
Just say yes, and I will marry you!
You say no, and I... I....
SAMANTA
Yes?
TERRY
(angry)
I will be very, very angry! Damn! I
can't believe I'm doing this! Will
you marry me?
Fatimah looks alarmed.
FATIMAH
Yes...
Terry approaches to kiss her. Fatimah hesitates and opens
her lips. Terry's eyes are suddenly wide opened.
TERRY
Excuse me.
Terry turns his head and burps grossly. Fatimah looks
terrified at him.